Phyllis Sherman
Phyllis' Findings
According to reports, most people’s greatest fear is speaking in public. Somewhere on the list, however, is fear of being audited by the IRS. Well, some weeks ago, I received the ominous notice: “We selected your Federal Income Tax return for the year shown below to examine the items listed at the end of this letter. Please call us at the number shown above to arrange a convenient appointment.” Fear strikes the heart. My return was prepared by a CPA; so, naturally, a call to that office was appropriate.
My call for help was to no avail. I was told in no uncertain terms to please find another accountant. She was busy with other tasks. I called another firm that, at least, helped fill me in after reviewing my return on what supporting data to bring to the audit. Most helpful of all, however, was Nolo Press’ book, How to Handle an IRS Audit. I was up until 2 AM the night before my appointment, reading the specifics. It is quite comprehensive and not at all unwieldy. Among the many items of advice was “Never attempt to bribe your auditor.” Ha! What shall I bribe her with? An ad in the WESTSIDE OBSERVER?
I arrived with all the data I’d been told to bring. Among the caveats from the book was, “even though they request you bring your return for the year before and the year after, don’t do it.” So, I didn’t, and fortunately they weren’t requested. My auditor, a nice young woman from Oakland, attempted to put me at ease and we talked about my return for over two hours. She was amazed at some of the errors considering the return was, ostensibly, professionally prepared. She ate a Tootsie Roll while we were talking and offered me one, admitting she was addicted to them. Hmm, I thought, and even asked her “Could I bribe you with a box of Tootsie Rolls?” We both laughed.
To make a long story short, I must send in some canceled checks, verification of certain expenses, plus, a healthy amount of money. Nevertheless, my initial trepidation and anxiety were unnecessary. The anticipation was worse than the reality. The experience was not as bad as a poke in the eye. It’s only money.
My advice, if it happens to you: Ask, and make sure your accountant will assist you BEFORE you have your return prepared. Get it in writing. Secondly, try to keep meticulous records and get Nolo’s book on IRS Audits. It’s a pretty good read considering the subject matter.
*****************************
I notice that Dan Hoyle’s The Real Americans is still playing at the Marsh Theater on Valencia. Dan is telling his story as he travels through rural America seeking country wisdom and fighting ignorance, homophobia, fears of socialism and this 90-minute tour de force is running through November 6. It is worth seeing twice. A don’t miss, hilarious one-man standup. 800-838-3006.
*****************************
There was a very funny, topical and poignant production by a group of seniors between the ages of 55 and 75, who produced instructional sex videos for senior citizens. Despite protests from their children and members of their retirement community, they overcome obstacles as they discover a new perspective on themselves, their relationships and their changing social roles. Sex Tapes for Seniors was at the Victoria Theater and may return.
*****************************
In the film department, if you haven’t seen Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work at the Opera Plaza is one of the best documentaries about show business life. It follows Joan for a year, as she tries successfully to resurrect her career. Not for the prurient, but for everyone else. The Kids are All Right is at the Stonestown, and the story about a gay marriage that becomes destabilized when the kids contact their sperm-donor, biological father. Mark Ruffalo is the sperm donor and Annette Bening and Julianne Moore are both superb as middle-aged lesbians in a long- term relationship. And, there’s never a parking problem at Stonestown Cinema! Also showing at Stonestown currently is the Swedish film, The Girl Who Played With Fire, with English titles and totally absorbing.
*****************************
Several weeks ago, there were two Comedy Talk Sundays. I met Carol Channing (90 yrs. old next week), Shelley Berman, Dick Little, Will Durst and a couple of other funny guys. An amusing line from Dick Little about Obama: “No matter his politics, you have to admire his not getting involved in anything.” Carol married Harry a few years ago. She remembered him from elementary school some time back (and they just reconnected a few years ago and got married.)
Photo: Phyllis with Carol
Sept. 2010
There’s never enough time to read everything that comes into the house. The SF Chronicle arrives Thursdays through Sundays. I like Datebook, Mick LaSalle’s interesting movie reviews and an occasional article but there’s nothing like the NY Times to keep you well informed...so I read it daily...time permitting. I frequently save it for late at night when all is still and quiet and there are no competing things to do. Occasionally I’m sorry that I didn’t read it earlier because often they’ll review a new TV show that’s on that evening and I’ve already missed it. However, TV can’t compete in my mind with things I learn from the paper. The Tuesday issue has a Science section which is usually fascinating and keeps readers up-to-date on new developments around the world that you’d miss otherwise. Recently they discussed a new tool for helping heart patients described as a new smart implantable defribullator that monitors heart information and transmits it to doctors and hospitals. They wrote about how tanning sometimes turns into an addiction and how weight lifting injuries, especially for women, are on the rise. The main news section told all about the unapologetic terrorist who set the Times Square bomb that didn’t go off. The 30 year old terrorist, who spoke perfect English, described his tactics and how he conceived the plot with Taliban help in Pakistan. He’s sentenced to life. Another article detailed how 800,000 Afghanistan citizens use heroin, opium and other illicit drugs...a jump from five years ago. 90% said they were in need of drug treatment. Apparently, they’re taking drugs against the hardships of life.
Something else to worry about...a new study from Australia suggests that couch potatoes live shorter lives. The study followed 8,800 adults ages 25 and older for six and a half years and found that each daily hour of television viewing was associated with an 18 percent increase in deaths from heart disease and an 11 percent increase in overall mortality. Those who watched TV four hours or more a day were 80% more likely to die of cardiovascular disease than those who watched two hours or less, and 46% more likely to die of any cause. And it didn’t matter whether they were overweight, according to the study. Although it’s possible that people who were already ill watched more TV than those who were healthy, the researchers tried to rule that out by excluding subjects who already had heart disease and by adjusting for differences in risk factors like diet and smoking. While the benefits of physical activity have been well studied, there is growing interest among researchers in assessing the effect of being sedentary. “For many people, on a daily basis, they simply shift from one chair to another--from the chair in the car to the chair in the office to the chair in front of the television,” said the study’s lead author David Dunstand of the Heart and Diabetes Institute in VIctoria, Australia. “Even if someone has a healthy body weight, sitting for long periods still has an unhealthy influence on blood sugar and blood fats.” The moral of the story...”off your tush!”
***************************************************
Theatrically speaking, there’s not a great deal going on except for The TOSCA Project at ACT which was delightful...the SF Ballet was involved and the show was dazzling. The San Francisco Playhouse is presenting the 50 year anniversary of THE FANTASTICS. It is re-imagined in a world devastated by global warming to bring new resonance to its theme of hope and of facing the truth before one can grow. Beautiful melodies, among them the hit songs “Try to Remember” and “Soon It’s Gonna Rain” sparkle throughout the comedy and evoke the agony and rapture of being young, full of dreams, and giddy with love. It’s directed by Bill English who is consistently top-notch. It’s scheduled to play through September 4, 2010 so put it on your list. In the film department, I caught JOAN RIVERS..A PIECE OF WORK, which got ecstatic reviews from most reviewers. I wasn’t quite as thrilled, although impressed with her total openness. She leaves nothing to the imagination...including details of her numerous face lifts and her impressive sex life. She was funny, if a bit “over-the top.” If you’re a conservative type, stay home. On the other hand, if you’re a conservative-type or a liberal-type, I’d highly recommend TOY STORY 3. It’s smart, funny, poignant, and highly creative .Go, with or without a child. You’ll love it!
***************************************************
Just an addendum from the SF PLAYHOUSE you should make a note of: On September 28th, they’re having the West Coast premiere of THE SUNSET LIMITED by Cormac McCarthy, directed by Bill English. A startling encounter on a New York subway platform leads two strangers to a run-down tenement where they engage in a brilliant verbal duet on a subject no less compelling than the meaning of life. TV and film star Carl Lumbly returns to the SF Playhouse in the lead role.
***************************************************
END JOKES;
Out of the mouth of jewish children
A little boy was attending a wedding of a close relative. After the ceremony, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?”
“Sixteen,” the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
“How do you know that?” “Easy,” the little boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, like the Rabbi said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”
***************************************************
A little girl became restless as the rabbi’s High Holy Day appeal sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, “Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”
***************************************************
After the circumcising of his baby brother in shul, little Jonah sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, “That rabbi said he wanted us brought up in a Jewish home, and I want to stay with you guys!”
Feedback: phyllis@westsideobserver.com
July 2010
Rumor has it, it’s no longer “cool” to be a Cougar. Don’t believe it. Defenders stand up! Our future depends on it. There are only so many old fogies left. They either died or are senile...neither sounds appealing. So stick to your guns...flirt a little, shake your booty, color your roots, mouth dirty words and watch those Brad Pitt look-alikes come running. In a few years even Justin Bieiber will become available. Hang in there, girl! (“Hey, take it easy Cougar...Justin’s only 13.”)
*************************************
On the entertainment front, there’s not a great deal to comment on. Movie-wise, BABIES is probably the best of the bunch...This is a spare and interesting documentary about four babies in different parts of the world, including Namibia and San Francisco, through their first two years. It’s cute and appealing if you love babies, ever had one or hope to, or even if you ever were one. CITY ISLAND is an amiable family comedy about an Italian-American clan living in a little boating village attached to the Bronx. Andy Garcia is Vince, a prison guard whose secret is that he wants to perform: he sneaks off to an acting class where the teacher is Alan Arkin. It’s worth a visit.
I’ve been waiting to read what’s happening in Cannes. Apparently, nothing spectacular. One always looks forward to a new Woody Allen film but his latest “You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger” has been called a trifle about vexed relationships. Naomi Watts and Josh Brolin star. According to reports, there are no masterpieces, few enthrallments and lots of deadwood. Exceptions include Mike Leigh’s ANOTHER YEAR; CERTIFIED COPY, BIUTIFUL (from Spain), TUESDAY AFTER XMAS (from Romania): THE HOUSEMAID (a sexy thriller from South.Korea) and WALL STREET MONEY NEVER SLEEPS. It’s anticipated that some will be picked up by American distributors.
One of the most hilarious, moving, and provocative solo shows is at the Marsh on Valencia St. Dan Hoyle travels through rural America seeking country wisdom and finding ignorance, xenophobia, fears of socialism, homophobia, and some heart-wrenching underlying connections. Called THE REAL AMERICANS, this 90 minute show is a real tour de force. A real winner and playing through August 8th. Dan’s father, Geoff Hoyle, is also at the Marsh with the GEEZER, called a workshop, (and very poignant) which may or may not still be playing. Geoff is San Francisco’s Marcel Marceau. Check out the Marsh at 800-838-3006.
Susi Damilano and Bill English, directors at the SF Playhouse, are tireless. Their latest show in their Sandbox Series is dedicated to presenting world Premieres in their second stage. The latest show, THE APOTHEOSIS OF PIG HUSBANDRY, opened recently with a stellar cast of three. In the play we find a woman in a slip handcuffed to a bed. A bar that only serves one drink. Windows duck-taped to keep out the smell. Welcome to the Lazy Eight Motel, where sex, revenge, social theory and pig farming mix in an explosive cocktail. Philosopher and social theorist Asuncion “Assy” Boyle drifts into town, buys the derelict motel downwind of the biggest pig farm in the state, and seduces the pig farmer’s wife, Lola. His plan? To put Charles, the farmer, out of business and clean up the pig shit that’s destroying the community and polluting the groundwater. But since Assy blames Charles for his mother’s death, is this really social justice...or naked revenge? By the startling end of the play, Assy learns what happens when you take justice into your own hands. William Bivins is the award winning playwright. The cast includes Keith Burkland, Chad Deverman and Madeline H.D. Brown. Running until June 12 (unless extended), you’ll enjoy this intimate theater production. Beginning June 15 is the 50 year anniversary of THE FANTASTICS, a must-see for comedy and musical lovers. Reserve your tickets now. (415) 677-9596.
*************************************
SHIRLEY TEMPLE was the subject of a recent documentary on PBS that showed snips of her early movies. I was a huge Shirley fan! When I was about 8 years old I sat down and wrote a letter to Shirley, telling her how much I enjoyed her films. And surprise, I got a response! A few years ago I met her at the Commonwealth Club, where she was President for some years. I told her about my letter to her and how thrilled I was with a response. I said I think it was “the most exciting thing that ever happened to me!” And she said, “Oh, you poor dear, what a life!” She currently lives in Atherton and had three children with her second husband, Charles Black, who is now deceased. You never read anything about her or her family. Having spent so many of her young years in the limelight with constant bodyguards (to avoid kidnapping), she’s obviously keeping a very low profile about her family. I’d love to know more about her.
************************************
Laura Bush has a new book out in which she relates her support
for Gay Marriage and Abortion
*and her further support for Supreme
Court nominee Elena Kagan. Some die-hard Republicans and conservatives
are questioning Kagan’s nomination...seems there’s a photo
of her playing softball and therefore a question of whether
she’s a lesbian or not. Also, controversy over her never being
a judge. At 50 years of age, Elena Kagan has never married.
Reports have it she’s very funny and extremely bright and
many guys are fearful of women who are smarter than they are.
It’s been suggested that after she makes the grade and becomes
one of the justices, Michelle Obama might introduce her to
JDate. Just a thought...but maybe a good one.
*************************************
Diets, diets, diets...I’ve tried several...even sent for some on-line product which promised a size 12 in twelve days or something similar. The first dose provided a hallucination effect, which was disconcerting to say the least. Now something new on the market...the Baby Food Diet. Have to check that out. They do say it’s a bit of a problem getting the vodka into the juice box.
*************************************
END JOKES: Third grade Johnny likes the little girl next door. He tells his father he’s in love and is going to marry her. His father thinks that’s real cute and says “Where will you live?” “Well, her room’s bigger than mine, so I’ll move in there.” The father thinks that’s real cute so again he asks, “What will you do for money?” “Well, we each get an allowance, so we’ll manage.” “What will you do if you have a family?” “Well, so far we’ve been lucky.”
*************************************
A magazine, doing research, goes into a rest home and asks a 95 year old lady “What’s the best thing about being 95?” “No peer pressure.”
Questions or comments to phyllis@westsideobserver.com
June 2010
“UP”
Movie Review by Marissa Sherman
UP is a wonderful movie about an old man named Carl and a young boy named Russell and their adventurous journey to Paradise Falls in South America.
They are not close friends at the beginning of the movie but with all of the adventures they share they become very good buddies. Carl wants to go to Paradise Falls in South America. This was a long-time dream he had with his wife Ellie. However, unfortunately it doesn’t happen that way as Ellie died without first seeing the Falls.
Instead, Carl uses balloons (thousands of them!) and attaches them to his house and he is now able to float. Once he takes off in the air, he gets a knock on his door and Russell, the neighborhood scout, asks to come in. On their way to Paradise Falls, they meet a dog name Doug and a bird named Kevin. But they also meet Charles Muntz , an explorer who became evil over the years. So evil that Charles Muntz had his dogs all gang-up on Doug, a friendly dog, Kevin, Russell & Carl.
The special effects throughout the movie were terrific. The dogs wore special collars that allowed them to communicate with humans. They could speak to humans!
I thought the movie was great and the characters were funny, especially Doug and Kevin. It was especially cool when the balloons were moving the house and they floated through cities. I would recommend this movie to people that like adventure stories and don’t mind some sad scenes. This movie is probably best for kids over six years old.
Marissa Sherman is the granddaughter of Phyllis Sherman
As you can tell I’m fond of humor. Of course the truth can be sometimes quite painful. Freud once said that all humor is based on pain. Note Laurel & Hardy, poor Laurel always being knocked out by Hardy. Moving the piano and both getting creamed. Groucho Marx: “I wouldn’t belong to a club that allowed me in as a member.” or “My children are only half Jewish, so can’t they get into the pool up to their navels?” Mel Brooks, John Cleese with Monty Python or Woody Allen, about people in the old folks home… “the food is horrible. And the portions are so small!” Then there’s the one about the old folks talking about their aches and pains... “My shoulder is killing me.” “You know... “I can’t move my neck to the right.” and “My glasses don’t fit right any more.” And finally, “What ‘cha all complaining about? At least we can all still drive.” And the one about the 80 year old guy marrying the 20 year old gal....someone asks... “At your age that could be fatal.” The old man says, “She dies, she dies.” Or the classic Borsch Belt line;Q. “Why did God create gentiles?” A. “Someone has to buy retail.”
Then there are the old moron jokes.. “What did the moron say when he found a head on the railroad tracks?” (“Joe, Joe, are you all right?) Why did the moron throw the clock out the window?” “He wanted to see time fly.” Now it’s not okay to poke fun at anyone anymore, so we have blondes...who are at least cute (most of the time...so they’re sort of protected.) I remember a Norwegian joke that made the Norwegians the stupid ones... Q: How does a Norwegian tie his shoes? A: This guy put his left foot on the chair and mimed tying the shoe that was on the floor.
Milton Berle once wrote, “Ethnic jokes won’t go away. If only one or two groups were picked on, the discrimination would be unfair and probably immoral. The fact is that no ethnic group has escaped comedy probing. In parts of China, jokes are made about the “whites.” “Browns in Malaysia make fun of the Chinese. The rich go after the poor, and the poor after the rich. Canada picks on Newfoundlanders, Louisianians on Cajuns and the Southwest on Chicanos. My litmus test for my personal use of ethnic jokes is a simple one. Use only if you’re not angry, seeking revenge, or trying to inflict pain. And you aren’t immune to fun at your own expense.
My one credo...and I think it’s a good one: “HE WHO LAUGHS, LASTS!
**********************************************
Interesting statistics from all over. A new study from Australia suggests that couch potatoes live shorter lives. The study followed 8,800 adults ages 25 and older for six and half years and found that each daily hour of T.V. viewing was associated with an 18 percent increase in deaths from heart disease and an 11 percent increase in overall mortality. Those who watched TV four hours or more a day were 80 percent more likely to die of cardiovascular disease than those who watched two hours or less, and 46 percent more likely to die of any cause. And it didn’t matter whether they were overweight according to the study which appeared in January in the online edition of Circulation: Journal of the American Heart Association. Although it’s possible that people who were already ill watched more TV than those who were healthy, the researchers tried to rule that out by excluding subjects who already had heart disease and by adjusting for differences in risk factors like diet and smoking. While the benefits of physical activity have been well studied, there is growing interest among researchers in assessing the effects of being sedentary. “For many people, on a daily basis, they simply shift from one chair to another—from the chair in the car to the chair in the office to the chair in front of the TV, said the study’s lead author, David Dunstan of the Heart and Diabetes Institute in Victoria, Australia. “Even if someone has a healthy body weight, sitting for long periods still has an unhealthy influence on blood sugar and blood fats.” Soooo...get up and take a l-o-o-ng walk!
************************************
According to other statistics, 25 of the nation’s leading newspapers have lost circulation...the only one that’s still gaining advertising (and thus circulation) was the Wall Street Journal.
The newspaper that has lost the MOST circulation, is guess which?......The SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE. Surprise! Surprise!
**********************************************
Now for a bit about film and food....plays, movies and restaurants....First off...THE JONESES...is a satire of modern consumerism. The Joneses--Demi Moore and David Duchovny are the mom and dad with winsome teenage children..are not a family at all, but rather a team of marketers dispatched to a wealthy subdivision to seduce the natives into buying more stuff. The mysterious company they work for is happy with their successful productivity. They induce the neighbors to keep up with them. The more golf clubs, track suits, cellphonesand high-end prepared dinners that are sold, the happier the company. If you’re into compulsive materialism and you’re even minimally aware of Amway.com types of businesses...this film might appeal as an exercise in phoniness...and it’s good looking, to boot.
I like Steve Carrell and Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live...but couldn’t get enthused about them in the film DATE NIGHT .Not very funny.
In the theaters...Went to a preview performance of AN ACCIDENT by Lydia Stryk at the Magic Theater The entire show takes place in a hospital room and while not really sick it’s pretty mediocre. At the 42nd Street Moon --Eureka Theater, Klea Blackhurst performed the songs of Ethel Merman...she was only there for five days...but she was terrific If you’re old enough to remember Gershwin’s “I’ve Got Rhythm”, “You’re an Old Smoothie” or Irving Berlin’s “Hey, Good Lookin’.”..you’d have loved it. Eureka hosts old Broadway musicals and well worth seeing. Still around and getting standing ovations is Dan Hoyle’s magnificent solo show THE REAL AMERICANS. Wonderful performance. His dad, Geoff Hoyle, from Pickle Family Circus is opening soon in “GEEZER.” A don’t miss!!!
You like restaurants? Try THE RAMP for brunch on the waterfront. NICK’S SEAFOOD in Pacifica. SUSHI ZONE at 1815 Market at Pearl, PEGAN...a Burmese restaurant on Clement Street in the Richmond. All four stars! And if you’ve a few hours to spare, don’t miss the Cartier Exhibit at the Legion of Honor
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
May 2010
THE CASE AGAINST VANITY PLATES
I have this thing about car vanity plates. I’m convinced that the people who invest in vanity plates (and it does cost money)…with their name or profession embossed…are either insecure, egocentric, vain or pretentious. (Maybe all four.) Why else is it necessary to proclaim to the world that “Joe Blow” or “Jay Tooth DDS” is driving his Chevy Blazer or yellow Mercedes, as the case may be. Seinfeld had a funny schtick recently when Kramer (in one of their reruns) ordered vanity plates and the DMV mixed them up with someone else’s and so Kramer had plates that said ASSMAN. Jerry and cohorts spent quite a while until they discovered that they belonged to a proctologist who was glad to get them back.
I had a friend in Connecticut some years ago who was quite a ladies’ man. As a matter of fact he “ladies’ manned” all over town until he realized that his vanity plates caused him untold misery. Everyone knew where he was at all times which was certainly not his intention given his predilection for fun and games.
If you want to have vanity plates, stick to vanity dental plates. Then you only make a statement every time you open your mouth.
**********************************
HERE’S SOMETHING THEY DIDN’T TELL YOU IN THE SF PAPERS:
Anyone convicted of a crime knows a debt to society often must be paid in jail. But a slice of Californians willing to supplement that debt with cash (no personal checks, please) are finding that the time can be most bearable. For offenders whose crimes are usually relatively minor (carjackers should not bother) and whose bank accounts remain lofty, a dozen or so city jails across the state offer pay-to-stay-upgrades. Theirs are a clean, quiet, if not exactly recherche’s alternative to the standard county jails, where the walls are bars, the fellow inmates are hardened and the privileges are few. Many of the self-pay jails operate like secret velvet-roped nightclubs of the correction world. You have to be in the know to even apply for entry, and even if the court approves your sentence there, jail administrators can operate like bouncers, rejecting anyone they wish. One 22 year old gal said “I’m aware that this is considered to be a five-star Hilton.” She was recently booked into one of the Orange County jails and paid $82 per day to complete a 21 day sentence for a drunken driving conviction She shopped around for the best accommodations and said from a sort of couch found in a hospital ER and spoke from a jail day room, “this place is clean, safe, and everyone here is really nice.”
Next time the cops pick you up, consider this option, tell them you’ll pay a little extra and ask for the creme brulee.
**********************************
On the entertainment front…DEN OF THIEVES at the S.F. PLAYHOUSE is a hilarious spoof about an odd quartet of misfits when they attempt to rip off the mob and are involved in a very funny 12-step program lampoon. Director Susi Damilano has done it again and you have until April 12 to enjoy. By the time you read this, VIGIL with Marco Barricelli and Olympia Dukakis will be at ACT. Written and directed by Morris Panych, early reports have given it rave reviews.
**********************************
In the film department, if you’re a depressive type. you may enjoy the hostile Ben Stiller in GREENBERG. He plays a 40 year old man recently released from a mental hospital who spends time writing complaining letters to the airlines about their lack of foot room and to Starbucks about some other deficiency and to sundry other organizations bitching about something. It received good reviews but I left more despondent after seeing this film than when I came in.
Another film that won accolades is the GREEN ZONE. Officer Matt Damon leads his men into worthless empty sites in Iraq in search of the elusive, non-existent Weapons of Mass Destruction. Another war movie with two hours of bombings and battles that you may enjoy if you like those things
**********************************
ENDJOKES: An elderly woman in Florida is talking to her friend, “Everyone in the recreation room talks about their travels and I’ve never been anywhere.” Her friend says, “Sara, they haven’t been either. They’re just making it up. You make something up too.” So the next day she tells everyone, “You know what? I just returned from Rome and had an audience with the Pope.” “No kidding,” someone says, “what’s he like?” “Well, I was invited to lunch and he was really very nice but I didn’t much care for his wife.”
**********************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, “Honey, pack your bags, I won the lottery!” The husband said, “Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?:” “Doesn’t matter,” she said. “Just get out!”
April 2010
I was going to write this column on my hand, instead of on paper, in honor of Sarah Palin, but try as I might I just couldn’t get it to fit. Go figure.
But good old Sarah aside, I thought it would have more interest if I just wrote it on my good old Dell Windows 7...so here goes.
Academy Awards nominations are up and running. I watched the BBC British Academy Awards from the London Opera House recently and the winners were probably similar to the American awards. The Hurt Locker was terrific and it, and its director Katheryn Bigelow, won best picture and direction awards.
Up in the Air with George Clooney and The Blind Side with Sandra Bullock were great films as was An Education with Carey Mulligan. Precious with Gabourey Sidibe was in limited release because of its abusive content but very worthwhile viewing. The White Ribbon will probably win best foreign picture award. It’s in black and white and is the German release and though tough to watch, concerning the Holocaust, is also worth viewing. Avatar may win best film award, but I think it should win for Cinematography or Film Editing or Special Effects—but it wasn’t my cup of tea for Best Picture. Also,
If you get a chance you’d probably enjoy the Live Action Short Films which consist of five short movies, several of which are quite entertaining.
****************************
BRING BACK THE SIESTA: It turns out that toddlers are not the only ones who do better after an afternoon nap. New research has found that young adults who slept for 90 minutes after lunch raised their learning power, their memory apparently primed to absorb new facts. Other studies have indicated that sleep helps consolidate memories after cramming, but the new study suggests that sleep can actually restore the ability to learn. The findings which have not yet been published, were presented recently at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science in San Diego. “You need to sleep before learning, to prepare your brain, like a dry sponge, to absorb new information,” said the lead investigator, Matthew P. Walker, an assistant professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of California in Berkeley.
The study recruited 39 healthy young adults and divided them into two groups. All 39 were asked to learn 100 names and faces at noon, and then to learn a different set of name and faces at 6 p.m. But 29 of the volunteers who slept for 90 minutes between the two learning sessions improved their scores by 10 percent on average after sleeping: the scores of those who didn’t nap actually dropped by 10 percent.
****************************
I recently attended an art show at the home of Mark and Helena McMahon to celebrate the official launch of Mark’s oil paintings and the launch of his new business, Mark McMahon Artworks. McMahon, from Ireland, is self taught and has been painting for the past ten years, and works mainly with oil on canvas to create portraits and original works in a range of styles and dimensions. Influenced and inspired by masters such as Monet, Braque and Picasso, McMahon uses vibrant, earthy colors in his modern landscapes and his more abstract, interpretive works alike. McMahon’s portraits were also on display, revealing his ability to capture the essence of his subject with a distinctive modern flair. McMahon is currently working with clients on commissioned pieces for residential and commercial settings. A sampling of Mark’s work and the best ways to contact him can be found on the web at markmcmahonartworkscom. I enjoy art and Mark’s paintings are worth a viewing
****************************
If the name Bertold Brecht intimidates you or makes you think of Shakespeare or Aristotle, fear no more. An updated version of Caucasion Chalk Circle by Bertolt Brecht (in 1944) has been beautifully updated at ACT and is creatively adapted and directed by John Doyle. Doyle produced “Sweeney Todd at ACT in 2007 launching its national tour. Interestingly staged and beautifully acted by a cast of ten, “Caucasion” is a must-see, running through March 14.
Beginning March 25 and running through April 18 at ACT is Vigil with Olympia Dukakis and Marco Barricelli.Called “wickedly dark” by Variety magazine
****************************
AND don’t miss SAN FRANCISCO PLAYHOUSE’S newest hit comedy, Den of Thieves beginning March 9th and running until April 17. Written by Stephen Adly Guirgis and directed by Susi Damilano, this show welcomes you to the world of unorganized crime. Cracking a safe to steal $750,000 in drug money may not be the perfect road to recovery for kleptomaniacs Maggie and Paul. Watch them pull off the perfect crime. Call 415- 677-9596.
****************************
ENDJOKES: A guy goes to a psychiatrist and is very upset. He says “I’m very upset. No one likes me. I can’t make friends. I feel terrible”....the psychiatrist in his most sympathetic manner, says, “Look you have a poor self -image. That’s common among losers.”
****************************
Mabel and Sadie are elderly ladies who enjoy driving. One day they’re out on Main Street and Sadie is driving along and goes through three red lights. Mabel says, “Sadie do you realize you just went through three red lights?” Sadie says, “Oh, am I driving?”
****************************
A little girl loves doing cartwheels. Her mother chides her...”You know, the boys like you to do the cartwheels so they can see your panties!”
“I know,” she responds. “But I fooled them. I folded them up and put them in my back pack!”
March 2010
A STORY WITH TEETH
Here’s something I’ll bet you didn’t know. In l8th-century England, straight, white, teeth were a sign of beauty, affluence,and moral fortitude, perhaps because tooth loss was a common result of venereal disease and its treatment with mercury. Wealthy and fashionable citizens engaged in a fad known as live-tooth transplantation similar to the way today’s socialites and celebrities purchase foreign substances, like Botox injections and saline implants to augment their bodies.
At a time when dentistry was still new, ladies and gentlemen had their damaged or rotten teeth pulled out and quickly replaced with teeth taken from the mouths of live donors—indigents who were forced to sell their teeth for cash. Fear of disease transmittal and criticism of the exploitive nature of the practice contributed to its disappearance at the turn of the 19th century.
This bizarre and short-lived dental procedure provides insights into many aspects of late l8th-century life, including divisions between the rich and poor, changing standards of beauty and the rise of consumer culture. Our culture, in which people’s bodies play a key role in their personal and social identities, and where body parts are viewed as commodities that can be bought and sold. Many contemporary trends, such as cosmetic surgery, tattooing, body piercing, and the sale of organs on the black market, can be traced to this strange and largely unknown fad.
I gleaned this information from Professor Mark Blackwell, chair of the Department of English in the University of Hartford College of Arts and Sciences. The article entitled “Extraneous Bodies: The Contagion of Live-Tooth Transplantation on Late-Eighteenth-Century England” earned Blackwell the prestigious James L. Clifford Prize, conferred by the American Society of Eighteenth-Century Studies on an outstanding study of some aspect its culture.
I guess your dentist never heard of this mouth enhancing improvement.
***********************************************
San Francisco women complain about the male shortage in the Bay Area. Well, there’s a surplus of bachelors in China. Here’s your chance! With no eligible women in his village (X’IN’AN VILLAGE, Hanzhong, China) Zhou Pin, 27 years old, thought he was lucky to find a pretty bride whom he met and married within a week, following the custom in rural China. Ten days later, Cai Niucuo vanished, leaving behind her clothes and identity papers. She did not, however, leave behind her bride price: 38,000 yuan, or about $5,500, which Mr.Zhou and his family had scrimped and borrowed to put together.
When Mr. Zhou reported his missing spouse to authorities, he found his situation wasn’t unique. The first two months, Hanzhong town saw a record number of scams designed to extract high bride prices in a region with an over supply of bachelors.
The fleeing Mrs. Zhou was one of 11 runaway brides--hardly the isolated case or two that the town had seen in years past. The local phenomenon has fueled broader speculation among officials that the fast-footed wives may be part of a scam which is being investigated. China’s rule of allowing abortions of female fetuses is certainly a probable cause of the dearth of marriageable females. Boys are preferred in Chinese families, believing that boys will be able in later years to support their elderly parents.
***********************************************
The survivors of Haiti’s horrendous earthquake are still numb from the shock of losing everything in their already depleted world. Countries world-wide are attempting to help and it was very difficult to watch CNN’s pictures of death and devastation that they ran continuously on the network.
A few people were rescued alive even a week after the earthquake…truly a miracle. San Francisco knows what earthquakes are but any devastation here can’t begin to compare with Haiti where no building codes exist… I was on a cruise ship years ago that stopped in Haiti and the people were extremely warm and welcoming…I remember purchasing some beautiful carved figures from a local sculptor. Apparently some cruise ships are still arriving there despite the destruction. Four ships are not heading to Port-au-Prince...but to another far flung beach area in Haiti for vacation. The first arriving one, a Holland-American vessel is promising aid to the emergency effort while it’s passengers sun and surf on the beautiful beaches.
***********************************************
On the movie scene, I enjoyed It’s Complicated. It didn’t get great reviews but Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin will keep you laughing. The Spanish film Broken Embraces is at times confusing, but worth seeing. and Precious is enthralling and has already won a Golden Globe award. At the Berkeley Repertory Theater, COMING HOME by Academy Award-winner Athol Fugard received a well-deserved standing ovation from the opening night audience. It tells the story of Veronika, who ten years after running off to the city to pursue her dreams, returns in rags. Among her meager belongings, she carries a desperate secret—and a determination to plant the seeds of a new life for her son. Roslyn Ruff plays Veronica and she has won several awards around the country. Gordon Edelstein is in his 8th year as Long Wharf Theatre’s Artistic Director, and author Fugard, born in South Africa, has won many awards in US and England. COMING HOME closes on Feb 28, 2010. The Berkeley Rep is just 1/2 a block from BART.
*******************************************
END JOKE: A man in a hurry was speeding down the highway...60 miles per hour, 70 miles per hour...80 miles per hour..90 and up and then 100. A cop finally caught up with him and said, “Listen, Mister. I’ve had a pretty rough day. If you can give me the one reason why you were speeding like that.I might have pity on you and let you go. It better be pretty good.” The man though momentarily and said, “Officer, some months ago my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were trying to bring her back.”
February 2010
Tis the gift-giving season. We’ll probably, as usual, get many things we neither need nor want. This is inevitable. People buy for friends and relatives, what THEY like … and what they can afford. We must, of course, be gracious and appreciative no matter what goodies are forthcoming. How many chic designer bathrobes or coffee table art books does one really need? I saw a cute Xmas wreath made entirely of garlic bulbs at Costco, a must have for the Xmas cook. Rand McNally has a package of 50 old-fashioned luggage stickers from the 30s and 40s with artwork from hotels and cruise ships and, of course, they carry lots of world atlases … a home should never be without one. One ingenious idea is to save all your old maps from your world travels … have them laminated … and use them for interesting place mats! There are many inventive gift ideas and so it’s never too early to speak up and tell your dearly beloved folks what it is that you need and want. Not that you’re sure to get it, even then, but at least you’ve given it a try.
I had a teacher in my first grade back in New York City who always got what she wanted … and not just for Christmas. Never forgot her … her name was Mrs. Louden … short, squat, white haired, and she was an especially acquisitive type. She never heard of the expression “Less is More.” I couldn’t blame her really when you think about it....teacher’s salaries being pretty abysmal. (Not that they’re much better today.)
She had a unique system. She would say, “Row One was very good today. Every one clap for Row One.
Tomorrow Row One may bring me cakes … I just love chocolate cake.” Row One was ecstatic.
Or … “Hurray for Row Three. Everyone clap for Row Three. Such a wonderful row! Tomorrow Row Three may bring me plants. I especially like Rubber plants and Philodendrons.” (No matter that we had problems pronouncing it...she wrote it on the blackboard and we copied it.)
For whatever reason, the students liked her very much and so the mothers let her get away with her extortion. Every day plants, cakes and assorted other goodies arrived. We felt sympathy for twins Dolores and Sydelle, whose mother had to send in two presents when they were in the ‘lucky’ row.
Another Mrs. Louden ploy went, “David, what does your Daddy do for a living?”
“My daddy sells ladies’ stockings.”
“How nice! You tell your Daddy I wear size 9 1/2.”
Several times during the week you’d see a “selected” little boy schlepping a shopping bag with Mrs. Louden’s largess down the street.
Now there’s a lady who spoke up and got what she wanted. Don’t be shy.
*************************************
By the time you read this, Obama will be on his way to sending 30,000 or more troops to Adghanstan with the purpose of stabilizing the country (they’ve been trying for eleven years). The cost of one soldier going to Afghanstan is priced at one million per soldier. Imagine if those funds could be used for health care. Obama is listening to his generals instead of the people who voted for him. He speaks of “finishing the job.” Afghanistan is huge, mountainous, and totally corrupt and the people have a 10% literacy rate. President Karzai will try to do “something” about the corruption, of which he is the leading corrupt individual. Extrication doesn’t sound like a potential possibility for a very long time. Regardng health care, the chances of getting any reasonable policy in the near term is extremely doubtful.
*****************************************
The reality show”The Biggest loser” is now in its eighth season. It’s one of NBC’s most-watched prime-time programs with an estimated 10 million viewers each week.More than 200,000 people a year submit audition video-tapes or attend open casting calls for the program. It also has spawned a license merchandise business that will generate an estimated $100 million this year. Doctors, nutritionists and physiologists not affiliated with the show express doubt about the program’s regimen of sever calorie restriction and up to six hours of strenuous exercise, which cause contestants to sometimes lose more than 15 pounds a week. At least one contestant has confessed to using dangerous weight-loss techniques including self-induced hydration. On the first episode this season, two contestants were sent to the hospital, one by airlift after collapsing from het stroke during a one-mile race. Medics advise against losing more than about two pounds a week. Rapid weight loss can include many medical problems including a weakening of the heart muscle. irregular heartbeat, reductions in potassium and electrolytes.Contestants are required to sign a document that they believe themselves to be in excellent emotional, physical, psychological and mental health. Getting contestants to talk openly about the environment of the progam is difficult. Shortly after a reporter startedcontacting former contestants about their experiences, a talent producer on the series set an e-mail message to many former contestants reminding them about the “serious consequences” of ever talking to a reporter without the show’s permission. To do so could subject them to a fine of $100,000 or $1 million, depending on the timing of the interview. Any interviews are conducted with an NBC publicist listening in .According to the trainers on the show, they say they happily accept a 50% success rate.The goal lof the show is to inspire people in America to make a change in their lives.
*************************************************
A woman goes into her local newspaper office to put an obit in the paper. He asks the price and is informed
that it’s $3.00. Ok. “Billy Bob is dead. Here’s $3.00.” “Sorry,” she’s
informed. “There’s a 7 word minimum.”
“Ok.” she replies. “Billie Bob is dead.’ 83 pick-up for sale.
December 2009
According to reports, most people’s greatest fear is speaking in public. Somehwere on the list, however, is fear of being audited by the IRS. Well, some weeks ago I received the ominous notice: We selected your Federal Income Tax return for the year shown below to examine the items listed at the end of this letter. Please callus at the number shown above to arrange a convenient appointment.” Fear strikes the heart. My return was prepared by a CPA...so naturally a call to that office was appropriate.
My call for help was to no avail. I was told in no uncertain terms to please find another accountant. She was too busy with other tasks. I called another firm who at least helped fill me in (after reviewing my return) on what supporting data to bring to the audit. Most helpful of all, however, was Nolo’s Press’ book, “How to Handle an IRS Audit.” I was up until 2 AM the night before my appointment reading the specifics. It’s quite comprehensive and not at all unwieldy. Among the many items of advice was, “Never attempt to bribe your auditor.” Ha! What shall I bribe her with? An ad in the Westside Observer?
I arrived with all the data I’d been told to bring. Among the caveats from the book was... “even though they request you bring your return for the year before and the year after, don’t do it.” So, I didn’t, and fortunately they weren’t requested. My auditor, a nice young woman from Oakland, attempted to put me at ease and we talked about my return for over two hours. She was amazed at some of the error considering the return was, ostensibly, professionally prepared. She ate a Tootsie Roll while we were talking, and offered me one, admitting she was addicted to them. “Hmm...I thought...and even asked her “Could I bribe you with a box of Tootsie Rolls?” We both laughed.
To make a long story short. I must send in some cancelled checks, verification of certain expenses, verifications of certain insurance payments, etc...plus, a healthy amount of money. Nevertheless, my initial trepidation and anxiety were unnecessary. The anticipation was worse than the reality. The experience was not as bad as a poke in the eye. It’s only money.
My advice if it happens to you: Ask, and make sure your accountant will assist you BEFORE you have your return prepared. Get it in writing, get Nolo’s book on IRS Audits. It’s a pretty good read considering the subject matter. Incidentally, when you need an accountant, I would avoid a firm on Vicente Street...they charge more than any other firm I’ve ever used and left much to be desired! They asked few questions and merely copied data from the previous year’s tax return.
Check for more Phyllis on the Web: www.westsideobserver.com
November 2009
LAD, HO
Single women are always complaining about the lack of interesting single men in the Bay Area. They say single guys are like parking spots...they’re either already taken or they’re handicapped. Well, I’ve got an idea for you single gals...the rest of you can stop reading now. Have you checked out Craigslist...women seeking men or men seeking women?
If you’ve got a few bucks and are planning to take a cruise...Craigslist has over 200 cities all over the world where men are seeking women. Let’s say you’re sailing out of Vancouver, Canada. Did you know that there are 30 men in Vancouver listing themselves on Craigslist searching for someone like you? I checked it out...specifying only the over 50 year olds. You could arrive in Vancouver a few days early, write to the guys in advance and have several dates set up before you take off on your cruise.
OK...if you don’t have time for Vancouver or are leaving from another city, check out where the liner makes stops. There are usually City tours lined up for passengers, but if you check out Craigslist for your port in advance, you might be able to have your new boyfriend show you around. I checked several foreign cities...and this is what I found out.
There’s a Russian lady in Seattle who’s put an ad for a boyfriend for her Mom who’s moving to Moscow...she wants a man who’s 50 to 63 and has inserted a photo of her Mom who looks more like 60 to 73. She said she’ll translate for her Mom who only speaks Russian.
In Buenos Aires there’s a 59 year-old guy who’s seeking a nice female. There’s an ad in Frankfort put in by a fellow in Austin, Texas who is offering citizenship to anyone. In Berlin a man advertises that he likes German women. And in Amsterdam a 56 year old Dutch guy seeks relocation to wherever you live and he’d
Like to start another family. Here’s your chance! A 49 year old in Rose is seeking a big-breasted Italian woman to spoil him with money so he can race motorcycles. He’d like good cook also. So if you’re busty and can come up with a good spaghetti sauce, he might be the answer for you. Another 40 year old in Rome is seeking a Sugar Mommy. Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.
I found five eligible men in Madrid, ten listed in Mexico City, lots of 40 year-olds in Shanghai (so what’s wrong with a younger man?) Cougars pay attention! There are twenty-two agile (hopefully) men in New Orleans...many still doing some Katrina relief work who need a female for some relief. This is just the surface of what’s available overseas and in the U.S. too. Of course if you’re visiting friends or family in Albany or Chattanooga or Mobile, Alabama, you’re on your own. I didn’t check out those cities, but who would want to visit them anyway...and what kind of eligible men would you find there? Good luck. I’d love to hear a report of your adventures and conquests.
*************************************
If you haven’t visited the STONESTOWN FARMER’S MARKET (in back of Macy’s) I suggested you try it. It’s open year round on Sundays from 9 to 1PM. Delicious and healthy food (and great samples) of all the nourishing food you should be eating. When you check it out, go visit Steve at the HOME CHEF PRODUCTS booth. He sells high quality sea salts and spices. I tried some Porcini infused salt that was unusual and not available in most super markets. Adds a lovely mushroom flavor to anything you use it on.. There are dozens of unusual ethnic spices, dry rubs and herbs from all over the world. You can also find them at www.homechefproducts.com. Worth a visit.
*************************************
On the entertainment front...my most recent film was a delight....”MY ONE AND ONLY” with Renee Zellweger as a woman who drives down the Eastern Seaboard in search of a wealthy man to take care of her and her two sons.It take place in the 1950’s and is completely charming with terrific performances.
At ACT, England’s kneehigh Theater makes a wonderful local debut with the American premiere of director Emma Rice’s endlessly inventive two-hour show of a classic Noel Coward’s BRIEF ENCOUNTER. The vaudeville bits are hilarious and a creative cast walks in and out of film clips and song-and-dance routines which brings to life Coward’s memorable comic tale of a thwarted love affair in a 1930s raliway station cafe. It is thoroughly delightful and I could see it several times! Playing through October 11.
The arrival of long-awaited SOUTH PACIFIC by Rodgers and Hammerstein has finally come to the Golden Gate Theater.This 3 hour production features a 25 piece orchestra and tells of a challenged racist romance in the midst of World War II combat. I originally saw South Pacific with Mary Martin and Ezio Pinza many years ago but still appreciated the familiar, memorable music and it’s a not to be missed musical for theater buffs.
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL by Billy Aronson is a hilarious sex farce at the SF Playhouse on Sutter Street. Comic absurdity, volcanic passions and even awkward silences are part and parcel in the hands of a talented ensemble and inspired design team .The director, Chris Smith, has done a spectacular job directing writer Aronson’s play with precision, imagination and power. Running through November 7, you’ll laugh your heads off! Susi Damilano (Producing Director) and Bill English (Set Designer and Artistic Director) have done it again!
*************************************
END JOKES: Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, “My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn’t smoke, and he hasn’t so much as looked at a woman in over two years.”
The other woman said, “Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only has he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn’t touched a drop of liquor in all that time.”
“My word,” the first mother said. “You must be so proud.”
“I am,” the second mother replied. “And when he’s paroled next month, I’m going to throw him a big party.”
*************************************
Sadie goes to visit a fortune teller who is going to read her palm. After they sit down, the fortune teller holds the Sadie’s hand and reads, “My goodness. You have a very close relationship with someone who is going to suffer a violent death!” Sadie looks aghast and asks, “Will I be exonerated?”
October 2009
HOW TO SMELL A RAT
The FIve Signs of Financial Fraud
Most people have become aware that Americans lose billions of dollars to a myriad scams each year. People are lured to investment seminars with free lunches and then pressured into making bad decisions. Dubious charities pull at our heartstrings. Coin and collectibles salesmen tout their goods as alternatives to stocks and bonds. Clever Ponzi scheme perpetrators like Bernard Madoff persuade investors to keep sending in money. Job losses and other challenges of the recession make us more susceptible to schemes like work-at-home and mystery-shopper opportunities that promise to provide quick income, sometimes using well-known brands like Google in their names. Such victims aren’t necessarily uneducated and gullible, or naive seniors. The typical investment-scam victim is an optimistic married man in his late 50s who has a higher-than-average knowledge of financial matters and deep confidence in his own judgement, according to research. They also believe that scams only happen to someone else and tend to feel somewhat insecure about their own finances.
Recently, the COMMONWEALTH CLUB hosted KEN FISHER, CEO of Fisher Investments and columnist for Forbes who spoke about his book “How to Smell a Rat: The Five Signs of Financial Fraud.” Fisher believes nearly every investment scam ever perpetrated was actually easily detectable and avoidable. He offered timely advice on what investors need to look for - how to be sure investment choices are sound by asking the right questions, noticing red flags and breaking down complicated jargon.
Here are the five signs your adviser might now be or could evolve into a swindling rat:
1. Your adviser also has custody of your assets —the number one, biggest, reddest flag.
2. Returns are consistently great! Almost too good to be true.
3. The investment strategy isn’t understandable, is murky, flashy, or “too complicated” for him (her, or it) to describe so you can easily understand.
4. Your adviser promotes benefits like exclusivity, which don’t impact results.
5. You didn’t do your own due diligence, but a trusted intermediary did.
The number one sign above means “Always make sure the decision maker (who will decide what you should own, like stocks, bonds, mutual bonds, etc.) has no access to the money—meaning they can’t get their hands on it directly. Simply said, when you hire a money manager, you yourself should deposit the money with a third-party, reputable, big-name custodian wholly unconnected to the money manager or decision maker. That custodian’s job is to safeguard the security of your assets. Do that, even if you do nothing else, and you can protect your money from being “Madoff” with.
If your adviser has access to the money because he controls or is somehow affiliated with whoever has custody of your assets, there is always the risk he carries your money out the back door. Maybe he’s pure of heart and won’t, but why risk it? Don’t give him a chance.
How to Smell a Rat is an informative look at recent and historic examples of fraudsters, how they operated, and how their scams could have been avoided. While Bernard Madoff may be a criminal, the greater crime is that investors continue to be swindled for no reason. Read Fisher’s very readable book and learn how to protect yourself as best you can from financial fraud.
******************************
An 80 year-old woman goes out on a date with an 85 year-old man. When she gets home her daughter asks her if she had a good time. “I had to slap him three times.” “What happened? Did he get fresh?”
“No, I thought he might be dead.”
September 2009
Single women are always complaining about the lack of interesting single men in the Bay area. They say single guys are like parking spots—they’re either already taken or their handicapped. Well, I’ve got an idea for the single gals—the rest of you can stop reading now. Have you checked out Craigslist—women seeking men or men seeking women?
If you’ve got a few bucks and are planning to take a cruise, Craigslist has over 200 cities all over the world where men are seeking women. Let’s say you’re sailing out of Vancouver, Canada. Did you know that there are 30 men in Vancouver listing themselves on Craigslist searching for someone like you? I checked it out, specifying only the over 55 year-olds. You could arrive in Vancouver a few days early, write to the guys in advance and have several dates set up before you take off on your cruise.
OK, if you don’t have time for Vancouver or are leaving from another city, check out where the liner makes stops. There are usually City tours lined up for passengers but if you check out Craigslist for your port in advance, you might be able to have your new boyfriend show you around. I checked several foreign cities and this is what I found out.
There’s a Russian lady in Seattle who’s put an ad for a boyfriend for her Mom who’s moving to Moscow—she wants a man who’s 50 to 63 and has inserted a photo of her Mom who looks more like 60 to 73, or more. She said she’ll translate for her Mom who only speaks Russian.
In Buenos Aires there’s a 59-year old guy who’s seeking a nice female. There’s an ad in Frankfort put in by a fellow in Austin, Texas who is offering citizenship to anyone. In Berlin a man advertises that he likes German women. And in Amsterdam a 66 year-old Dutch guy seeks relocation to wherever you live and he’d like to start another family. Here’s your chance! A 49 year-old in Rome is seeking a big-breasted Italian woman to spoil him with money so he can race motorcycles. He’d like a good cook also. So if you’re busty and can come up with a good spaghetti sauce, he might be the answer for you. Another 50 year-old in Rome is seeking a Sugar Mommy. Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it.
I found five eligible men in Madrid, ten listed in Mexico City, lots of 50 to 65 year-olds in Shanghai (so what’s wrong with a slightly younger man?) This is just the surface of what’s available overseas and in the US too. Of course if you’re visiting friends or family in Albany or Chattanooga or Mobile, Alabama, you’re on your own. I didn’t check out those cities, but who would want to visit them anyway, and what kind of eligible men would you find there? Good luck. I’d love to hear a report of your findings.
***************
Things are different in China. Thanks to its 30 year-old population-planning policy and customary preference for boys, China has one of the largest male-to-female ratios in the world. Using data from the 2005 China census—the most recent—a study published in last month’s British Journal of Medicine estimates that there was a surplus of 32 million males under the age of 20 at the time the census was taken. That’s roughly the size of Canada’s population.
Now some of these men have reached marriageable age, resulting in intense competition for spouses, especially in rural areas. It also appears to have caused a sharp spike in bride prices and betrothal gifts. The higher prices are even found in big cities such as Tianjin. The males seem to have an above-average savings rate, even after accounting for factors such as education levels, income and life-expectancy rates. Areas with more men than women, the study notes, also have low spending rates—suggesting that many rural Chinese may be saving up for bride prices. 14,000 people located in central China’s Shaanxi province has over 30 men of marriageable age, but no single women. As in other parts of the country, village customs dictate the groom’s family pay the bride’s family a set amount—known as “cai li”—while the bride furnishes a dowry of mosly simple household items. I’ll tell you next month what problems begin to exist. Let’s just call it “runaway brides.”
****************************************
ENDJOKE An elderly man has just moved to a new town when he is taken ill and decides that he needs to see a doctor.
In the waiting room he tries to find out a bit about the doctor. He asks the man sitting next to him if the doctor’s fees are expensive. The man says:”Well, he is and he isn’t. You see he charges you $1,000 for your first visit.” The man exclaims in shock, “A thousand dollars?” The man replies, “Yes, but all your visits after that for the rest of your life are free!” The man thinks about this, and then gets called by the nurse to go in to see the doctor.
On entering the doctor’s office, he says casually, “Hello doctor, here I am again!
July/August 2009
According to reports, most people’s greatest fear is speaking in public.
Somewhere on the list, however, is fear of being audited by the IRS.
Well, some years ago I received the ominous notice: “We selected your
Federal Income Tax return for the year shown below to examine the items
listed at the end of this letter. Please call us at the number above
to arrange a convenient appointment.” Fear strikes the heart. My return
was prepared by a CPA...so naturally a call to that office was appropriate.
My call for help was to no avail. I was told in no uncertain terms
to please find another accountant. She was too busy with other tasks.
I called another firm who at least helped fill me in (after reviewing
my return) on what supporting data to bring to the audit. Most helpful
of all, however, was Nolo Press’ book “How to Handle and IRS Audit.
I was up until 2 AM the night before my appointment reading the specifics.
It’s quite comprehensive and not at all unwieldy. Among the many items
of advice was, “Never attempt to bribe your auditor.” Ha! What shall
I bribe her with? An ad in our paper?
I arrived armed with all the data I’d been told to bring. Among the
caveats from the book was, “even though they request you bring your
return for the year before and the year after, don’t do it.” So, I
didn’t, and fortunately they weren’t requested. My auditor, a nice
young woman from Oakland, attempted to put me at ease and we talked
about my return for over two hours. She was amazed at some of the errors
considering the return was, ostensibly, professionally prepared. She
ate a Tootsie Roll while we were talking, and offered me one, admitting
she was addicted to them. Hmm..I thought...and even asked her “Could
I bribe you with a box of Tootsie Rolls?” We both laughed.
To make a long story short, I must send in some cancelled checks, verification
of certain expenses, verification of certain insurance payments, etc...plus
a healthy amount of money. Nevertheless, my initial trepidation and
anxiety were unnecessary. The anticipation was worse than the reality.
The experience was not as bad as a poke in the eye. It’s only money...which
these days isn’t worth a helluva lot.
My advice is if it happens to you: Ask, and make sure your accountant
will assist you BEFORE you have your return prepared. Get it in writing.
Secondly, try to keep meticulous records and thirdly, get Nolo’s book
on IRS Audits. It’s a pretty good read considering the subject matter.
*****************************************
An interesting article in a recent NY TIMES column by Nicholas D. Kristof,
starts out with the headline, WOULD YOU SLAP YOUR FATHER? IF SO, YOU’RE
A LIBERAL.
If you want to tell whether someone is liberal or conservative, what
are a couple of completely nonpolitical questions that will give a
good clue?
How’s this: Would you be willing to slap your father in the face, with
his permission, as part of a comedy skit?
And, second: Does it disgust you to touch the faucet in a public restroom?
Studies suggest that conservatives are more often distressed by actions
that seem disrespectful of authority, such as slapping Dad. Liberals
don’t worry as long as Dad has given permission.
Likewise, conservatives are more likely than liberals to sense contamination
or perceive disgust. People who would be disgusted to find that they
had accidentally sipped from an acquaintance’s drink are more likely
to identify as conservatives.
The upshot is that liberals and conservatives don’t just think differently,
they also “feel” differently. This may even be a result, in part. of
divergent neural responses.
Apparently for liberals, morality derives mostly from fairness and
prevention of harm. For conservatives, morality also involves upholding
authority and loyalty—and revulsion at disgust..
Psychologists have developed a “disgust scale” based on how queasy
people would be in 27 situations, such as stepping barefoot on an earthworm
or smelling urine in a tunnel. Conservatives systematically registered
more disgust than liberals. (To see how you weigh factors in moral
decisions, take the tests at www.your morals.org.)
*****************************************
Hey, folks,,,you know those GREEN bags they’ve been touting that are
supposed to keep your fruit, flowers,and ther produce for days longer?
Well, they don’t! Green bananas turned black as soon as they were placed
there. Didn’t work for even two days! Don’t waste your money
*****************************************
ENDJOKE...Three elderly ladies were having a conversation about how
their bodies had begun to shrink. The first one said, “I used to be
5 foot 7 and now I’m 5’ 6”. The second woman said: “I used to be 5
foot 6 and 1/2 and now I’m 5-5. The third woman, turning to the second
said “Gladys you should live to be 5 foot 4!”
June 2009
If you remember correctly, many years ago the slogan, “Less is More” was popular. I could never really understand that. “Less” is not “more.” At least it wasn’t years ago. Today may be a different story. In those days, “More” was “more.” Mother always said “never throw anything away...it will always come back.” But how long must one wait? And where to put it all?
Even if the peplum skirt were to become the rage again...or those bulky shoulder pads were still popular...the skirt will be outgrown, the shoulder pads merely weighty. The only one who wears Harlequin glasses is Dame Edna (who’s still around and popular in Florida,) but who wants to emulate her? Remember snoods? And what they used to call “bell bottom trousers” and now referred to as “boot pants.” Saddle shoes have staged a comeback of sorts and even uncomfortable girdles are now designated with a more appropriate title — “gentle shaping, moderate controllers.” They don’t do the same job, but at least you can breathe.
Many years ago, Philip Roth wrote “LETTING GO,” in which he attempts to describe the frenetic contest between one’s sympathies for others and one’s instinct for self-protection. Only at the end of the novel are we able to see the hero “letting go” and plunging headlong into the confusion of human life.
Most people hang-on too long and are dreadfully fearful of letting go. That goes for more than just old clothes. It also concerns outmoded attitudes and ideas ... and papers ... there’s just no end to the paper wars.
****************************************
To attempt an attack on the paper wars, I hired an Organization Maven who showed me how to file, organize papers, throw out and generally simplify my life. I knew I could --and should-do this on my own, but I didn’t. I needed her to show me the how, what and where to put things, and which things to discard. And I discovered, that “yes, less is absolutely more.” Things are easier to find when there aren’t so many of them. There are very few documents that can’t be retrieved from the original source if absolutely necessary. All that stuff you file...how much do you ever go back to? Well. that’s fine..but that was THEN...and this is NOW and it looks like I need another organizer.....and the Yellow Pages are full of them.
***************************************
The Golden Gate Receptor Observatory needs Hawk Migration Counters. They’ll train anyone over 15 years old how to do this. Information is at Fort Mason and you can call them at 331-0730 or email GGRO@Parks Conservancy.org. Here’s your chance to identify, track and monitor birds of prey. Weren’t you looking for a new interesting hobby?
****************************************
Theatrically speaking, I wasn’t as absorbed as reviews would suggest for two recent productions. “Rabbi Sam” with Charlie Varon on stage was a two hour production at the Marsh Theater. Charlie plays 12 different characters and details the problems as a small Jewish congregation copes with its messianic new rabbi. Varon is voluble and forceful in his role but the solo performance dedicated to creating 21st century Judaism was only somewhat amusing...early Woody Allen, it wasn’t.
****************************************
The Berkeley Rep is currently showing THE LIEUTENANT OF INISHMORE and employs “explosive Irish dialogue and a perfectly oiled plot that is brutal, bloody, yet irresistibly funny. As part of an I.R.A. splinter group, Padraic thinks nothing of murdering and mutilating his enemies--but the sudden death of his beloved cat leaves him heartbroken.” There’s plenty of carnage and LOTS of blood. A farce about terrorism, it left many of the audience with a problem trying to decipher the Irish dialect. Playing through May 17.
****************************************
Still the best of the Berkeley Rep was the recent VIBRATOR play which is heading to Broadway. Les Waters is directing Sara Ruhl’s new comedy for Lincoln Center Theatre. That comedy about marriage, intimacy and electricity was a winner and drew raves.
****************************************
END JOKES: A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa: “The material we put in our stomach are enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat food can be disastrous. Long term harm caused by germs in your drinking water is another. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years, often after eating it?” After several seconds of quiet, a 75 year-old man in the front row raised his hand and softly asked, “Wedding cake?”
May 2009
There’s an educational nonprofit in Sacramento that has been using the My Health Manager website provided by Permanente, to access a patient’s electronic medical records When a patient has her cholesterol checked, or one of her kids is tested for strep throat, the patient goes there to click on links that explain the test results. She regularly e-mails her doctor with routine questions on anything and everything health-wise. The system has led to a significant shift in the ability to be an advocate for her own health care.
When I e-mailed my doctor with a question at UCSF, I was told not to e-mail her...that she doesn’t always read her e-mails but that instead I should call her office, give the question, or any information to one of the clerks, who would routinely insert it into the doctor’s box and eventually, when she got to reading it, I’d hear from her. As she doesn’t work full time, who knows when she’ll read my query? The trend, known as information therapy, involves delivering reliable health information directly to patients to help them manage their conditions and make treatment choices .It sounds like a more efficient system than the one espoused by UCSF (and my doctor). Fewer than a quarter of doctors in private practice have full fledged online record systems. There’s also a secure website where patients can see their records and communicate with their doctors. The system uses computerized health-risk to determine if a patient has any potential areas of concern. Progress can be checked over time and, for a teaching hospital such as UCSF, it’s time that they approved such a system. Harvard Pilgrim Healthcare, a nonprofit health plan in New England, recently began offering on its website, one of Health-wise’s coaching programs called Information Therapy Conversations. Check out the site at harvardpilgrim.org/conversations. It deals with sleep problems, depression and lower-back pain. Also try uptodate.com. It offers lots of options for a myriad of conditions. (There’s a charge for the latter site.) Both the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal have written about the use of online records and it’s probably only a matter of time before the service becomes common. E-mailing your physician could save many office visits...perhaps that’s why some facilities are loath to endorse it.
***********************************************************************
The Latest in Mental Health: Working Out at the ‘Brain Gym...San Francisco has a new “gym for the neighborhood”...you can work out three times a week at a new computer “Visual Processing” program for helping you find your car keys faster or sharpen your tennis skills. VIBRANT BRAINS has attracted about 200 members December, 2007 according to its owners. Patrons pay $60 a month to work out on 20 computer stations loaded with “mental fitness” software, including a “neurobic circuit” that purports to stretch the brain. There’s an art-auction game that displays a dozen Monets for purchase. Then they’ll intersperse them with other Monets and you have to tell them apart. Sessions are spent doing mental nutrition games, cognitive training, genetic workshops and the like. The sites are getting popular throughout the country. I tried some of the games and they were fun. For more information, call 775-1138. They’re at 3235 Sacramento Street or call 650-378-2685. Ask for Lisa. Tell them you heard about it from Phyllis at the OBSERVER.
***********************************************************************
On the theatrical front, highly recommended at the TRAVELING JEWISH THEATER at 470 Florida Street is Donald Marguilies’ darkly comic look at an older couple of Holocaust survivors settling in Miami with a problem daughter. Directed by Amy Glazer with Naomi Newman...THE MODEL APARTMENT plays through April 5. Info at: 292-1233.
Another winner is THE STORY at the San Francisco Playhouse at 533 Sutter Street...playing through April 25. 677-9596.
***********************************************************************
ENDJOKES; A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this? the optician asked. “Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the guy.”
***********************************************************************
Walking into the bar, Ronnie said to Charlie the bartender, “Pour me a stiff one—just had another fight with the little one.” “Oh yes?” said Charlie, “and how did this one end?” “When it was over,” Ronnie replied, “she came to me on her hands and knees.”
“Really,” said Charles, “now that’s a switch! What did she say?”
“Come out from under the bed, you little chicken s**t.!!”
April 2009
It’s too bad the Chronicle may call it quits after 144 years. Now that they’ve finally made some interesting changes and improved various parts of the paper, they’re almost about to call it kaput. The only other daily around is the EXAMINER which is not available in too many places. The CHRON publishes 339,000 issues, according to the NY TIMES but apparently it’s a losing proposition. We’ll just have to see. In the interim there’s the BAY GUARDIAN, the SF WEEKLY (weeklies) and our own sterling monthly, the WESTSIDE OBSERVER. What do the people do without computers? Anyway, enjoy while you may.
*****************************************************************
According to the gurus that are supposed to know, the economy won’t get better until late 2009 or 2010. A market research firm polled people with more than $ 1 million in investable assets and 81% said they intended to take money out of the hands of their financial advisers who are supposed to look out for your interests, not theirs or their companies. Madoff’s Ponzi scheme was unique but the average investor doesn’t know where to go. Crooks send out statements too. Morgan Stanley’s CEO says he doesn’t take bonuses anymore & when I told that to my broker who had just returned from a week in Hawaii what his boss said, he said, he doesn’t have a young family!” Knowing financial principles are useful, but far from adequate to protect investors. The evidence is that most people make serious investment mistakes, which is why they should put their money into index funds and bond funds with low costs,” said Professor Steven Thel, who teaches securities law at Fordham University,” and not spend too much time trying to become financially literate.”
***********************************************************************
Another problem is the vitamin business. Every day there’s another bit of information. One day coffee is great for you and the next day, someone details why more than 2 cups is hazardous. According to those who should know, a vitamin a day is a waste of time. Just get your vitamins from every day food. Recently the NY TIMES cited low blood levels of vitamin D may be associated with an increased risk of dementia, a/c to a British study. The vitamin D supplement is cheap, safe and convenient and may play an important role in prevention of cognitive impairment and play a role in brain development and the protection of neurons.
***********************************************************************
Author John Podesta was a speaker recently on the 11 PM Charlie Rose show comparing Clinton to Obama. He spoke of Obama having a more disciplined mind... “a thinker with a great mind,” and Clinton as being a “literal” thinker. He also remarked that Republicans are very concerned about the majority in Congress. For you erudite folks out there who watch more than ER or American Idol, turn Charlie Rose on.
***********************************************************************
I scroll through the TV channels myself and the other night Jay Leno, who soon will occupy a 10 o’clock spot on NBC, was spoofing the US Postal Service and he was talking to a “POST OFFICE COLONEL.” and they were talking about cutting out postal service one day a week. “What will a woman do whose mailman doesn’t come one day?” The Colonel said. “She’ll just have to fool around with the FED EX guy.”
***********************************************************************
In brief, I thoroughly enjoyed Berkeley Rep’s “In The Next Room” (or the Vibrator play,) which is a very funny evocative comedy by Sarah Ruhl and beginning next week is Dotoyevsky’s CRIME & PUNISHMENT. Also, ACT’s SOUVENIR based on the life of Florence Foster Jenkins is a stunning presentation. Two terrific shows for theater lovers!
***********************************************************************
END JOKES One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie .” Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you want.” So he tied her up and went golfing.
***********************************************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!” The husband said, “Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?” “Doesn’t matter,” she said, “just get out.”
March 2009
It
was lovely watching Obama
and Michelle’s beautiful dancing
to Glenn Miller’s “At Last”...a
special favorite of mine.The
inauguration left the whole
country glued together emotionally,
one big American ball of hope.
He’s hired an impressive group
of competent Cabinet choices
to help with the monumental
tasks ahead. A BBC poll in
17 nations found that an average
67 percent believed that President
Obama would improve America’s
relation with the rest of
the world: just 5 percent
thought the opposite (or maybe
feared that if they seemed
critical of George W. Bush,
they would be waterboarded)
Everyone was impressed with
Mr. Obama’s inclusiveness
in his address...he even embraced
atheists..only Thomas Jefferson
did that once upon a time.
Let’s hope the new President
can remake America in a vastly
different direction than previously.
****************************************************************
On
a vastly different subject,
but closer to home...I’ve
read that more traffic tickets
are issued during a recession
as local gov’ts look to offset
drops in sales and property-tax
revenue, according to a study
in the Journal of Law and
Economics that looked at 14
years of data from 97 counties
in North Carolina and elsewhere.
Researchers say it’s reasonable
to conclude that when times
are tough, gov’t officials
tell police that they need
more ticket revenue. To corroborate
that data, a friend of mine
was driving on Dolores Street
late at night a few weeks
ago and came to a red “stop-and-go”
light. He slowed down and
then continued but was stopped
almost immediately by a police
siren. Apparently, he should
have stopped completely and
did not. I could not believe
that the penalty was $488.
And if he goes to traffic
court, there’s another $40
due.
****************************************************************
The
New York Times last week reported
from San Francisco — "Amid
the din of naysayers who insist
that newspapers are on the
verge of death, a new company
wants to start dozens of new
ones — with a twist.”
The
Printed Blog, a Chicago start-up,
plans to reprint blog posts
on regular paper, surrounded
by local ads. and distribute
the publications free in big
cities.The first issues of
this Internet-era penny-saver
will appear in Chicago and
San Francisco this week. They
will start as weeklies, but
Joshua Karp, the founder and
publisher, hopes eventually
to publish free neighborhood
editions of the Printed Blog
twice a day in many cities
around the country. “We are
trying to be the first daily
newspaper comprised entirely
of blogs and other user-generated
content,” he said. “There
were so many techniques that
I’ve seen working online that
maybe I could apply to the
print industry.”
“As
pay newspapers lose readers
to the Internet, where they
can read the same articles
without charge, many free
papers have held their own”
.He continues that the free
newspaper business is still
very workable as there’s a
huge readership that wants
the local news, and local
businesses tend to increase
their advertising in bad times
because they have to capture
people’s attention.He’s still
aware of the difficulties
of being successful in the
newspaper business these days.
The Tribune Company, which
publishes The Chicago Tribune
and its free daily, RedEye,
filed for bankruptcy protection
in December. Some free papers
have even started charging
for the paper because of falling
advertising and the rising
costs of ink and newsprint.Mr.
Karp expects that each issue
of his new paper will be distributed
twice a day to 1,000 people.
It sounds daunting and It
will be interesting to see
how things develop.
ENTERTAINMENT.
There’s a brief overview of
a few films I enjoyed recently:
THE READER with Kate Winslet
and Ralph Fiennes is an Academy
Award nominee for Best Picture...very
worth while for the sensitive
moviegoer. Clint Eastwood
does a double job of both
acting and directing GRAN
TORINO. DiCaprio and Kate
Winslet in REVOLUTIONARY ROAD.
It’s directed beautifully
by Winslet’s husband, Sam
Mendes. Meryl Streep is as
amazing as ever as a tough
nun in DOUBT. Philip Seymour
Hoffman priest. DEFIANCE,
Daniel Craig &Liev
Schreiber act in a true story
of the Bieleski partisans
who fought the Nazis and rescued
hundreds of Jews through the
darkest years of war and genocide.
Gripping and challenging.
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN
BUTTON with Brad Pitt is another
contender for best picture
and worth seeing although
I doubt that it will win top
honors. SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
or MILK with Sean Penn will
probably take the honors...both
exceptionally deserving.
Theater-wise,
RICH AND FAMOUS written by
John Guare can still be seen
at ACT until February 8th
and it’s lively and over-the-top.
And, thinking ahead: one of
the best dramas I’ve ever
seen will be at Curran Theater
in August. Estelle Parsons
(at 81 years of age) is fantastic
in Tracy Letts’ Pulitzer and
Tony-winning the demanding
role of the formidable mother
in “AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY.”
You won’t easily forget this
one.
Feb.
2009
OBAMAMANIA has really struck the country and the world. Finally a bright, articulate, vital president with no discernable negatives. They’re calling it Camelot with a Tan...Stories abound about previous presidents.John Quincy Adams sought relief from the presidency by sneaking away from the White House for nude dips in the Potomac. Warren G. Harding who presided over the most inept administrations in history, was such a lousy poker player he once gambled away the White House china.
And after a tough day in the Oval Office, Andrew Jackson liked to unwind behind the executive mansion watching cockfights. Every American president has brought his own style to the world’s most unusual home office and the inauguration of Barack Obama is expected to bring an extreme makeover to the style regime at the White House. George Bush is sneaking out of the Oval Office with the most abysmal style. Obama will surely be bringing a jolt of vitality...it’s going to be fascinating to see how that spins off in terms of movies that people watch, music that becomes more fashionable, even the clothes that people wear. His pick of Hillary Clinton for Secretary of State is historic and she’ll probably be an enormous asset despite what some are saying, that she’ll be forced to give up some independence Bill is willing to do whatever is necessary to make sure she gets the slot. We’ll see how that evolves, but in the interim Obama is surrounding himself with an extraordinarily creative and competent team. “O-phoria” is truly sweeping the nation and he’s off to a glorious start.
The one I felt sorry for was Elizabeth Dole who lost her Congressional seat to a Democrat. First, her husband, Bob, goes on television to complain about his problem with E.D., and then she loses her election bid. Oh...the ignominy of it all!
*******************************************************************************
“How about that Sarah Palin? A lot of people said what will happen to her when she goes back to being Governor of Alaska?’”Don’t worry”, according to David Letterman...’”she has a 7 million dollar book deal. She got it through a guy named, Joe, the Publisher”
*******************************************************************************
A friend of mine held a garage sale recently. One Sunday evening she put some leftover pieces of furniture on the sidewalk. Inadvertently, a price tag was left on a small shelf. On Monday morning she discovered this note slipped through the male slot:” I came across the shelf you set on the street last night. Here’s the $10. That’s what the sticker said. Thank you. Betty.” Wrapped in the note was a $10 bill.
*******************************************************************************
The local police asked recently in a note in their police blotter.....”What year was Real Estate John Barbagelata first elected to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors? The first correct answer will result in ten Police Stickers for the lucky winner.” And what exactly does the winner do with 10 police stickers? Can they be used to pay for a parking ticket?
******************************************************************************
Theater and movie-wise, there are some pretty good ones around and also some not-so-hot. The KEY SUNDAY CINEMA CLUB at the Kabuki offered SLUMLORD MILLIONAIRE....which has too many flashbacks between a television contestant attempting to make big bucks illegally, and then back to the slums of Mombai....colorful and dismayingly graphic and fascinating, but ultimately a bore.SHALL WE KISS is a French which begins in Nantes, where a chance encounter between a Parisian fabric designer and a local art restorer leads to dinner ,drinks, and nearly to the titular meeting of the lips. It was cute, light, some smart dialogue but too long at 102 minutes and ultimately a drag.
******************************************************************************
Theatrically speaking, the Berkeley Rep’s latest production, JOE TURNER’S COME AND GONE is probably the best of August Wilson’s ten-play cycle. Set in 1911, the play relates the story of Set and Bertha Holly who operate a boarding house that serves as a temporary home to those wo are trying to find a new beginning. Their oddest tenant is Bynum, a shaman who’s song has the power to bind people to new destinies, and to each other. Into the boarding house wanders Herald Loomis, a man with a dark and violent past in search of his wife, torn from him before he left the South. Author August Wilson, the product of a black father and a white mother, completed the play in 1988 and it will be at the Rep through December 14. Directed by Delroy at the Roda Theater.
*******************************************************************************
The economy has been so bad, Americans have been sneaking into Mexico.
******************************************************************************
A secretary walks into her boss’s office and said, “I’m afraid I’ve some bad news for you.” “Why do you always have to give me bad news? Give me some good news for once.” “Alright..here’s some good news.” said the secretary, “You’re not sterile.”
******************************************************************************
Two Irish men are in a bar and one said to the other, “Hey, can you tell me what the date is in the paper?” “I’ve no idea.” “But you’ve got a newspaper in your pocket.”
“Sorry, Mate. It’s yesterday’s paper.”
******************************************************************************
John was telling his pal at work why he has a black eye.... and he explains...
“My wife and I were talking and she asked, “Tell me, will you still love me when I’m old, fat and ugly?” “I should have said, “Of course I will, but I said, “of course I do.”
December 2008
Soon it will be TURKEY TIME and time to indulge big time in all the food that will put on at least five pounds.
Sooner however, will be ELECTION TIME and we’ll worry about that first. I can’t believe that there’ll be a McCain/Palin ticket but the Republicans are carrying on like they have a chance...and I worried a bit about that yesterday when I had a crazy dream. I was married to John McCain in the dream and we were shopping for peaches at a farmer’s market. It probably had to do to the fact that the previous day I’d attempted to buy peaches at Safeway and they said they had “no peaches. Will probably have to wait til the come in from Chile.” Anyway, in the crazy dream, John McCain and I were arguing with them at the farmer’s market that they wanted too much for the peaches! I remember thinking that with all his $$$$ he shouldn’t have to worry about the price of peaches. Wondered what happened to Cindy in the dream. She was no where to be seen...probably had enough Chilean peaches in her eight houses.
***********************************************************************
It was especially encouraging to hear Colin Powell endorsing Obama on SIXTY MINUTES. Apparently, the endorsement had been in the works for a while, despite a request by President Bush to hold the endorsement back. Powell said Gov Palin wasn’t fit for the job and although he was a good friend of John McCain, could not endorse him for president...that he was erratic...and he denied that he was endorsing Obama because they were both black. As a result of the endorsement the Democratis party got a further infusion of funds.
***********************************************************************
ENTERTAINMENT-From the mundane to the ridiculous...let’s talk about some films that I found OK and some not so OK.
You can easily skip DeCaprio and Crowe in BODY OF LIES...lots of shoot-em-up terrorist, lifeless action thriller-type movie
Bill Maher’s RELIGOLOUS was better, but not much. Outspoken , irreverent, witty, non-believer Bill travels around the world interviewing Christians, Jews, and Muslims about their beliefs which he views as dangerous nonsense. Some pretty good laughs. It’s currently entertaining all non-believers at that house of false idols, Stonestown Cinema.
THE DUCHESS is a portrait of the life of a cosseted, tightly corseted life of Georgiana Spencer, the Duchess of Devonshire. Keira Knightly as the wife and Ralph Fiennes (as her husband) star in an an unhappy triangle (with a live-in mistress). I enjoyed this one very much...well acted, sexy and lively!
The best film around currently is still Woody Allen’s VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA. a must for film buffs.
Take your kids or grandkids to “BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA” an adorable film...fun for adults too. Also, “W”, about the boozing, spoiled son of George H.W. Bush is an authentic, effective, fascinating film by Director Oliver Stone about the Bush years with Josh Brolin as Geo.W .Richard Dreyfus’ depiction of Dick Cheney speaks volumes....Don’t miss this one...Academy Award potential.
I managed to catch the final performance at the MAGIC THEATER of THE K OF D...An Urban Legend, with Maya Lawson..a young girl who embodies the entire population of a small town to spin the story of young Charlotte McGrew and the summer that inexplicably changed her life. This lone performer plays 18 characters and does it with great panache...an exceptionally talented performance that drew sustained applause. Coming up in November is a new play, EVIE’S Waltz by Carter W. Lewis and directed by Loretta Greco about every parent’s nightmare...their son has been expelled for bringing a gun to school. Call the Magic at 415-441-8822 for dates and performances.
***********************************************************************
For the theater buffs out there....ACT is presenting THE QUALITY OF LIFE, written and directed by Jane Anderson, from Oct. 24 to Nov. 23.. The play is described as a daring, star-studded riveting new tour-de-force, exploring hot-button issues of life and death. Starring Laurie Metcalf, Caroline Lagerfelt, JoBeth Williams, Steven Culp and Dennis Boutsikaris. The play explores what happens when a religious Midwestern couple, Bill and DInah, visit free-spirited cousin, Jeannette and her husband in their Northern California home. Both couples confront loss and survival in the face of explosive circumstance. An unforgetable, brave work of heart and humor. The QUALITY OF LIFE was nominated for four 2007 Los Angeles Drama Critics CIrcle Awards.
Make sure you check out the two new shows coming to the BERKELEY REPERTORY THEATER...August Wilson’s memorable JOE TURNERS COME AND GONE begins Oct. 31st and ARABIAN NIGHTS, Nov. 13. Info: 510-647-2949.
************************************************************************
P.S. In response to Sara Palin’s contention that she can see Russia from her house... across the Bering Strait in Provideniya Bay, sits the town of Providentiya, and Mayor Dimitri Andropov says he can see Sara Palin in the shower...”And it’s very nice.”
More information that needs to be verified...rumor has it JOE THE PLUMBER is being considered for Secretary of Labor.
***********************************************************************
A man goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her. I’m going crazy. What do you think I should do? “ “Relax,” says the Doctor. “Take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly, where is Larry’s bar?”
ONE NIGHT ONLY,” HOYLE AND HOYLE”...Geoff and Dan...at the NOE VALLEY MINISTRY, 23rd & Sanchez Street Saturday, NOVEMBER !,.8:15 PM. This father and son team are the greatest!!!!
November 08
TO BEGIN...This will inform all and sundry that I am no longer Editor and Publisher of the WEST OF TWIN PEAKS OBSERVER. It’s been a glorious, memorable, unforgettable, significant, outstanding twenty years of interesting people, places and things. Decades go by fast when you’re having fun...and most of it’s been fun and jollification. Sometimes hectic, occasionally frantic...but I wouldn’t have missed a minute of it. I appreciate the wonderful writers and advertisers whom I’ve met along the way. The managing editor, printer, delivery people have all been helpful in getting the paper to you on time with minimal problems...and I appreciate their efforts in sometimes trying times.
I also appreciated the hard work of deceased sales assistant, Billie Lowe and the very-much-alive camaraderie of my friend and sales helper Marjorie Leet Ford. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading the paper along with my spirited column, PHYLLIS’ FINDINGS (which I hope to continue writing) and will embrace the new publishers, Alice and Mitch Bull, who’ve renamed the paper WESTSIDE OBSERVER, with the same enthusiasm and devotion you’ve offered me. They’re an energetic team.
We alway appreciate your Letters to the Editor, so please write soon and often, with your pithy comments and remember... VOTE OBAMA!
***************************************
California Academy of Sciences
This dazzling, airy new home explores education and entertainment. If you’ve been to the old location of the Academy on Howard Street, you have some idea of what to expect....except, you still don’t. This multi-story rectangle is unbelievably fascinating through out. There’s a 2.5 acre green roof planted with native California species that provides habitat for birds and butterflies. Skylights, sunlight, native plants are just the beginning. A 90 foot diameter dome encases a living rain forest (85 degree temperature and humidity) complete with exotic birds and butterflies. Below ground level is the Steinhart Aquarium with more than 100 tanks filled with fish, reptiles, sharks, amphibians and invertebrates. Underwater views into the Swamp (complete with a rare white alligator, snapping turtles, frogs, snakes and sea turtles) and the Philippine Coral Reef are must sees. The state-of-the-art digital projection system of the Morrison Planetarium immerses visitors in a wraparound visual experience. The guided shows give visitors the sensation of flying through apace.You’ll see scientists at work in their research lab and there’s an unusually creative children’s area. Wait til they see the colony of African penguins! The cost of this monumental project? 334 million or so....worth it? Visit it and see. One especially happy idea is the 800-car underground parking garage...very user friendly!
***************************************
It looks like the holiday season will be a bit of downer this year..especially when it comes to high-end merchandise...so-long Prada...welcome Target, Walmart and Goodwill.
Many hospitals have stepped up efforts to encourage regular hand washing by doctors...but what about their clothes? Amid growing concerns about hospital infections and a rise in drug-resistant bacteria, the attire of doctors, nurses, and other health care workers -worn both inside and outside the hospital - is getting more attention. “Bare below the elbows” is what’s being discussed. Doctor ties, white coats, long sleeves and soiled scrubs play in the spread of bacteria. Sooo....if your doctor wears a tie when you’re visiting....get another doctor!
***************************************
On the film front, BURN AFTER READING by Ethan and Joel Coen, has some hilarious moments. Brad Pitt (who appears to be having a ball, George Clooney, Frances McDormand and John Malkovitch will keep you in stitches and it’s worth seeing for the hilarious spots.
The Sunday Cinema Club shows films once per month at the Kabuki Theater. It’s at 10 AM (and it’s a bit hard on Sunday to make it) and you never know what the movie is but it’s always a brand new screening. You have to be a member. The current movie was RACHEL GETTING MARRIED directed by Jonathan Demme and starring Anne Hathaway, Rosemarie DeWitt, Bill Irwin and Debra Winger. It concerns the wedding of a Jewish girl from a dysfunctional family with a long history of personal crisis, family conflict and tragedy to an African American man. Compelling people, stellar acting, perceptive portrait...most of the audience could relate, but the accolades were mixed...OK film, but too long, unnecessary noise and music. It’s a 5 or maybe 6 on a scale of 1 to 10. To be a member of the Sunday Cinema Club (part of Sundance Kabuki Cinemas) write to POB 29156 in LA, 90029 or call 1-888-467-0404 for information on joining. The next film is on October 12 and there’s a discussion after each film.
***************************************
Two young men up from Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring some models.
Ole says to Sven, “have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?” Svan replies, “Yes, they’re very beautiful and look at the price!” Ole looks with wide eyes, “Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price I’m buying one.”
Sven smiles and pats him on the back, “good decision, order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I’ll get one too.”
Three weeks later, Sven asks Ole “Did you ever receive the girl ordered from the Sears catalog?”
Ole replies, “No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!”
October 2008
I was excited to hear Barack Obama’s dynamic speech last week accepting the Democratic nomination for President..(it cost the Dems 50 million to rent that stadium) .I know I’m preaching to the choir...but that was quite an impressive and historic speech, even though chances are he’ll never be able to achieve ALL he’s promised...we’ll see...it’s a start. What was flabbergasting was McCain’s pick of Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska as his running mate. He’s obviously hoping to energize all the women who loved and voted for Hillary for President. I can’t imagine women who were pro-Hillary, embracing this unknown woman as Republican V.P. They have already said it was an “insulting gesture.” If McCain dies in office, what can Governor Palin, with very limited experience offer the government? She hasn’t been “vetted” (examined...as other potential candidates were) and rumor has she’s being investigated for unknown malfeasance. People have wondered why if he wanted a woman, he didn’t pick EBay’s Meg Whitman, for example, who’s more experienced... and the answer is that Palin is NOT pro-choice and to attract his Conservative base, McCain felt it incumbent upon him to pick a woman (with a bevy of children) who’s against abortion.
The internet had a Media Advisory on August 23rd and it included a McCain Campaign Conference call with Republican Party Chairman Ron Nehring and former Secretary State Chairman, Bill Jones to discuss why Obama’s pick of Joe Biden would be bad for California’s economy. It included the remark by Biden, while he was hoping to be nominated as President, that Obama “is not ready for the Presidency.” They opened a phone # to readers to call in and spout their views and opinions. I called the number, added the pass code they requested and they had me speak my mind which included my erstwhile opinion that a “72 year old forgetful man with a violent temper who abused and cheated on Carol, his first wife, was hardly a role model.” I further suggested that it might not be wise to put such an intense man in a position with his finger on a button in such a powerful position. I further added a bit about his cursing Cindy, his current wife, with reporters present. At which point the moderator told the operator to cease my call and to continue to the next caller. They asked for my name at the beginning of the calling session, so who knows what could happen next? I may just be on the RNC list of noxious callers and banned forever from stating my provocative remarks...Tyranny will out! God Bless America!
****************************************************
I’ve read that although fewer and fewer aspiring doctors are choosing “Geriatrics” as a profession, reports have it that the Geriatric physicians are happy with their specialty. Young residents deem it “depressing.”
Wall Street Journal recently had an article on people and their biases. Apparently, there’s not too much bias these days towards blacks and gays as formerly....the predominant bias that persists today is “ageism.” Even “old” people are biased against the”old.” Now that’s depressing.
****************************************************
Atkins diets are still in vogue, apparently. People are said to lose more weight on it than on any of the other popular diets. That’s all carnivorous me had to hear, I headed straight for the nearest charcuterie and bought a pound of boneless rib...(methinks a good place for boneless rib or any steak is still MOLLIE STONE’s) although didn’t eat it all at once. However, neither was it the size of a deck of cards, as the diet gurus recommend...it was quite thin cut, so if I stacked it, it might be the size of a deck of cards, but spread out it probably resembled a royal flush...(of cards.) The other alternative to weight loss is Bariatric surgery which is getting more popular day by day...not quite as popular as ATKINS...but if you need to lose a great deal of weight... check it out.
*************************************************
In the Entertainment Arena...lots of goodies abound. If you like Woody Allen films, VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA is your cup of tea. Seductive, delightful, funny with Penelope Cruz, Scarlette Johansson,Javier Bardem and lots of other sexy, handsome people....set in lovely Barcelona, luminously photographed, and directed by Woody, it’s totally enjoyable. At the Stonestown Cinema, an attractive, remodeled variation of the old mystery train trip movies...TRANSSIBERIAN has Ben Kingsley and Woody Harrelson in an exciting film with glowering foreigners, erotic intrigues,conspiracies, duplicity...some excessive violence (R rated) but it’s definitely worth seeing.
Opening at the Berkely Rep is YELLOW JACKET and at ACT Tom Stoppard’s ROCK AND ROLL (directed by Carey Perloff and running through October 12. (NY Times calls it “Stoppard’s ‘finest’) I’ll keep you posted.
************************************************
NEW YORK IS STILL WHERE IT’S AT...
A few tips if you’re heading to NYC anytime soon...Patti LuPone is sensational in GYPSY..a Tony Winner; and make sure to see the 2008 Pulitzer Prize drama AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY, by Tracy Letts. It’s not-to-be missed if you enjoy REAL drama. ( it helps to sit in the orchestra.) Unbelievable 80 year old Estelle Parsons has the lead (Violet) and she only has a 6 month contract...so better hurry. It’s said to be coming to SF but right now it’s at the Music Box Theater on 45th Street in NY and worth a trip. Also reportedly the play is being adapted for a film.
***********************************************
I can’t speak highly enough about the new NEWSEUM in Washington, D.C. There are 14 main galleries, 15 theaters and it’s an opportunity to explore the history of news and meet the men and women of the mediat who report it .In the NBC News Intereactive Newsroom you can shoot photosof a dramatic river rescue or email your friends a video of your turn as a TV reporter. You’ll find a Pulitzer Prize Photographic Gallery with stories that experience the sadness and artisty of the world’s greatest news photographs and then in the Berlin War Gallery you’ll see 83 ton sections of the graffiti-covered concrete barriers..one of the largest displays outside Germany. There are so many fascinating, unique things to see at the NEWSEUM, you’ll wish you could stay for days. And you’ll enjoy it even if you never pick up a newspaper.
Sept. 2008
Ladies...have you been to SEX AND THE CITY? Go, you’ll love it! Smart, sexy, funny, clothes to die for! Mick LaSalle of the Chron agrees. The NY Times and New Yorker disagreed. But what do they know?
A few shows that are worth your attention: The Eureka Theater has ended its delightful run of Cole Porter’s OUT OF THIS WORLD but will begin its new season on September 27th with IRMA La DOUCE. The 42nd Street Moon on Jackson Street usually shows old musicals that at their time were not necessarily block-busters, but, as performed at the Eureka, are always lively and exuberant. They’re usually presented as staged concerts with stellar casts. Call 255-8207 for information on their upcoming season.
Included in the 2008-2009 season at Eureka is Gershwin’s GIRL CRAZY, BEN FRANKLIN IN PARIS; the BAKER’s WIFE and WILDCAT.
****************************************************
“What good is sitting alone in your room, come hear the music play!”” Come to the CABARET, my friend”...while it’s at the S.F. PLAYHOUSE through September 30th. This legendary landmark musical turns Weimar Berlin of 1931 into a dark and sexually charged haven of decadence where its extraordinary and morally ambiguous inhabitants are determined to keep up appearances as the real world-outside the comfortable sanctuary of the cabaret-prepares for the nightmarish chaos of war. Sally Bowles performs nightly at the infamous Kit-Kat club...and she’s a wonder to see. The musical was turned into an eight-time Oscar-winning movie starring Liza Minnelli and Joel Grey. Don’t miss the decadence! Music is by John Kander and direction is by Bill English. You’ll love it!
****************************************************
I was fortunate recently to see Jeff Greenwald, a prolific traveler and writer, recently at the Marsh on Valencia Street, regale us with his “Strange Travel Suggestions.” Jeff explains the difference between a tourist (which most of us are) and a traveler, who explores unusual towns, villages and countries in a myriad of ways.He tells riveting stories of his visits to Iran, India, Nepal and other places that most of us have never been to. He begins his stories by having audience members spin a wheel covered with hieroglyphic-like symbols for 30 topics until they land on stops that trigger an improvised and usually hilarious monologue culled from a lifetime of trotting the globe. He’s an accomplished stage performer and suggested that the rest of us can learn from his storytelling techniques.”People generally want to hear travel stories if there’s something they can identify with - an episode( a stolen passport or transportation nightmare...or food poisoning.”) There should be a beginning, a middle an end as opposed to an anecdote.There’s a setup, a situation and a resolution .Kind of like telling a joke, in that timing is almost as important as content.The only other monologist I enjoyed as much as Jeff Greenwald was the legendary and neurotic New Yorker, the late Spalding Gray. Also born in New York City, Jeff is the consummate story-teller and while you may have missed him this time at the Marsh..I’m sure he’ll be back again, and his many travel books are available through Amazon.
****************************************************
Act’s latest...and final for the season, is “TIS PITY SHE’S a WHORE.” It rages with enough, blood, lust and retribution to make any dictator look like a saint. Siblings have sex, poison flows, a sweet old lady forfeits her eyes to the sharp end of a poker...and strangely enough, I thought this heavy show was quite interesting. The plot follows the disastrous fallout of an illicit sexual union between a wealthy Italian citizen’s son and daughter..(played by Rene Augesen and Michael Hayden).What follows leads to pregnancy and the mother-to-be reluctantly marries a rakish nobleman(played by Michael Earle Fajardo). Written in the 17th Century by John Ford and directed by Carey Perloff, this theatrical and ferocious dramaturgy takes place in Parma, Italy and is best seen by those stout of spirit. The large and animated ensemble worked very hard and afterwards at the cast party, Rene (Annabella..the sister) said that “every morning when I get up, I feel as though a roller coaster has gone over me.” See it...it’s worth your time.
We were all given small buttons that said “WHORE” on them....”Tis Pity.” Get there before July 6.
****************************************************
I’ve been on a diet since I was born. Pablum, Mother’s milk, Heinz baby food was alright for a while but then came fattening stuff. No one spoke about the need for exercise. Up and down on the seesaw was supposed to be enough for a kid...a tricycle helped a bit...but so it went. I never realized then that losing weight was a lifetime effort if you didn’t have “skinny” genes. So I was able to commiserate when I read the drama following the 2004 dismissal of the soprano Deborah Voigt from a production of Strauss’s “Ariadne auf Naxos” at the Royal Opera house in Covent Garden, London. The story had many elements of the work itself: an opera within an opera that blends comic and tragic aspects and caricatures the lofty ideals of high art. Ms. Voigt’s dismissal, because she was too large to wear the cocktail dress stipulated by the director or adhere to his staging concepts, prompted an avalanche of international interest that ranged from buffa laughs about fat ladies singing to ponderous editorials about the meaning of “sacred art” versus Hollywood ideals of beauty.
In the end, as in “Ariadne,” the little-black-dress saga also became a story of transformation:in Ms.Voigt’s case, a verr literal one. After gastric bypass surgery in 2004 and considerable weight loss, a much slimmer and more agile Ms. Voigt was re-engaged by the Royal Opera to sing the title role in the second revival of Christof Loy’s production.
One day on the television screen was an ad for LAP BAND SURGERY...sounded less ominous and involved than BY-PASS SURGERY..so I figured, “why-not?” A phone call later, I got the sad news...I was asked my height and weight and other essentials and the distressing news followed...you have to be OVER 100 lbs. to be eligible...lap-band OR by-pass.Back to the treadmill, the weight machines, the NutriSystem diet...maybe ALLI... one day maybe BAY TO BREAKERS...and while I never planned to be a Diva at the Royal Opera, a lap-band operation sounded real easy...so, anyway, thank heaven for pantsuits...the late, great fashion designer Yves Saint Laurent made them fashionable for stylistic fittings and wearings for the “zoftics” among us! Chic and acceptable everywhere.....ask Hillary!
“****************************************************
OH MY GODMOTHER! is one of the most adorable musicals you’ve seen in a long time. It’s a campy, toe-tapping take on the classic Cinderella tale, but with a fabulous San Francisco twist! The outrageous award-winning original production sold out every performance. It will play Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays at 8 PM and Sundays at 3 PM. It’s written and directed by Ron Lytle. Originally produced at a staged reading of it at the Attarena Playhouse in Alameda.Ca. the response was overwhelming and the production went on to win six Dean Goodman Choice Awards. It may join Beach Blanket Babylon as a San Francisco theatrical icon and it would not be surprising to see this show reach Broadway. To purchase tickets, call Brett Conner at 415-867-3911 at the Zeum Theater. A fun play for all!
****************************************************
Take a minute to go to Taraval Street Rag YouTube Video since we seldom see this part of San Francisco celebrated in any way. Go to the www.youtube.com and type in Taraval Street Rag and enjoy!
July August 2008
The story of the 55,000 dead in the Chinese earthquake is sickening. There are five million homeless people, most of them poor laborers who represent the muscle behind China’s economic boom. Most of them come from poor remote villages and spend months or years separated from their children, who are often left behind in the care of their grandparents or other relatives. It was China’s biggest quake in 3 decades and the worksite was full of laborers from Sichuan province...the construction site in suburban Bejing came to a standstill. The sad story continues that the male/female ratio in the home village is three-quarters men.They say women find it easier to get jobs in the city and this is a serious problem all across rural China, and it leaves men of a marrying age with very few options alone and frequently destitute.
In a moment of unusual levity, the story was recounted of a man in a village who last year took the step of actually buying a bride, because of the women shortage. He paid almost $3,000, a huge sum, representing a half-decade of farm income...only to have his wife run away with the money soon after.
All of China has offered to adopt the many homeless children but there are many problems in connection with this and there are also numerous offers of adoption from Americans but this is an even more insurmountable problem. Apparently, China refuses to allow American adoptions if the American is single, or obese or has any emotional problems.And because of the prevalence of the one-child rule in China, and the abortion of female fetuses, there are only boys available..but that’s another story.
*******************************
I was happy to hear that the 400+ Polygamous children in Texas are being sent home. Something is wrong with a state that would separate young children from their parents...especially since there’s scant evidence of wrong doing. According to one of the Mothers, when asked why she’s willing to allow her husband to have several wives...she responded that “there’s a shortage of men!” .Makes sense to me!
*******************************
And did you hear about that lost parrot in Japan that was taken to a vet and was able to recite his name and address so he could go home ...and in the interim, he sang songs to amuse his finders.
*******************************
ON THE ENTERTAINMENT FRONT: Alfred Hitchcock (who died in 1980) once said. “For me the cinema is not a slice of life, but a piece of cake.” Occasionally I hear someone say that they rarely (if ever) go to the movies.. I believe there’s something missing in their lives but they don’t know it. It reminds me of the people who say, usually with an air of superiority or snobbishness.”I never watch television!”
I usually try to check reviews before I’ll see a film myself and there were 2 excellent movies at the Stonestown Cinema recently. “FLAWLESS” is a hilarious French comedy which is currently at the Opera Plaza and “YOUNG AT HEART”, an uplifting story about a group of singing seniors who perform in shows around the world is now playing at the Four Star Theater. Both worth a visit.
Theater-wise, try to get to the SF Playhouse for “ BUG”...Read Annette Lust’s column which will fill you in on this delightful play. “NO CHILD” at the Berkeley Rep has been held over...this one woman show is written and performed by Nilaja Sun and opened to enormous acclaim. A drama entitled “THE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL OF GEORGE W. BUSH AND RICHARD B.CHENEY” had a short 3 weekend run but was fascinating. The audience was the Congress and we watched transfixed as the apparently incontrovertible evidence of Bush and Cheneys’ guilt piles up from witness after impassioned witness.The excellent actors played Bush, Cheney, George Tenet, Rumsfeld, Valerie Plame, Nancy Pelosi, and the rest of the ignominious crowd... intriguing theater.. Hopefully, it will play far and wide. On July 11th, “TIS PITY SHE’S A WHORE” begins its run at ACT. This should be a knockout production!
*******************************
We have a new client...an Electrical Contractor..if you need any electrical work done, let Jim Frost come to your home or business...he brings his talented son, Josh, along and together they’ll take care of your electrical problems at reasonable rates. He’s at 626-7210 in San Francisco.
June 2008
LESS IS MORE!
I recently saw a button that said, "If you had it all, where would you put it?" Now that would definitely be a problem. Even in a large house there's a point of no return.
Many years ago the slogan "Less is More" was popular. I could never really understand that "Less" is NOT "more." "More" is "More."
Mother always said, "Never throw anything away. It will always come back." But how long must one wait? Even if a peplum skirt becomes the rage again, the odds are you will have outgrown it. In my last life I used to square dance (back in Connecticut.) There were lace "pettie" pants that you wore under your colorful soaring skirts...for some reason, it's still in my drawer. Remembrance of things past? Yearning for what was? Of what use can I put white lacy knee length underpants that are still in good condition? Any square dancers out there who want to inherit them? Put them on EBAY? Remember snoods, harlequin glasses (Dame Edna-type) and bell-bottom trousers? The trousers have come back or at least they're now called "over- the-shoe denims" for the local guys who think it's "hip." Women can also now buy pants that are "slim", "normal" or "wide-bottom" Too many choices...Saddle shoes have come back a bit and maybe even girdles and all-in-ones...with different names..."stretchees", 'flexees"and "tummy controllers." Any way your look at it, bulging bellies are definitely out!
Some years back, Philip Roth wrote "Letting Go," in which he describes the frenetic contest between one's sympathies for others and one's instinct for self-protection. Only at the end of the novel are we able to see the hero "letting go" and plunging headlong into the confusion of human life. Most people "hang on" too long and are dreadfully fearful of letting go. That goes for more than just old clothes. It also concerns outmoded attitudes and ideas...and papers...there' s just no end to the paper wars.
Several years ago in an attempt to attack the paper wars, I hired an Organization Maven, who showed me how to file, organize papers, throw out stuff and generally simplify my life. Now I know I could and should, do this on my own, but didn't I need someone to show me the how, what and where to put things and which things to discard? And I discovered that, yes, less IS absolutely More. Things are easier to find because there aren't so many of them. I'm able to perform tasks more efficiently and able to make the most of my time....most of the time. I'll never miss that polka dot dress is which was two sizes too small. I also try to pay attention to William James' adage, "the art of being wise is knowing what to overlook." There are very few documents that can't be retrieved from the original source, if absolutely necessary.
All that stuff you file, how much of it do you ever go back to? That doesn't mean that a cluttered desk for me is totally a thing of the past...not in this business...but it's fixable whenever I've a spare minute and if worse comes to worse and I can't handle it myself, there's always an Organization Maven to call upon. Remember, Mother doesn't always know best. Now what about those lace square dance pants??
*********************************************
Once called “The Pink Palace” and later, the Scott Street Residence Club which included 23 guest rooms, the current 2008 Decorator Showcase at 2820 Scott Street is a place fit for visiting royalty. When the visitor steps into the inlaid marble floored reception hall of this elegant Italianate-style mansion, the eye is immediately drawn to its gorgeous architectural details: the carved and painted ceiling, the elaborate wrought iron railings surrounding the majestic staircase, above which arches a multi colored Tiffany skylight, and the intricately tiled fountain. It is surprising to discover that several hundred people have lived here at various times. Of course, every house has a story, but this house seems to have more than its share of legend and mystery, including a connection to European royalty. Many residents may have come and gone, but its gracious dignity has endured for over a century. A must see for all ... the San Francisco Decorator Showcase 2008 sponsored by the Financial Aid program of the San Francisco University High School is open through May 26 at 2820 Scott Street. General Admission is $30; Seniors $25. Information at (415)447-5830 . www.decoratorshowcase.org
*********************************************
There are a few good films out there. The COUNTERFEITERS is at the Stonestown Cinema. This is a true story of Salomon Sorowitsch, counterfeiter extraordiinaire and bohemian. After getting arrested in a German concentration camp in 1944 he agrees to help the Nazis in an organized counterfeit operation set up to help finance the war effort.
It was the biggest counterfeit money scam of all time. Professional printers, fastidious bank officials and simple craftsmen all became members of the top secret counterfeiter commando. If they cooperated with the enemy, they had a chance to survive, as first-class prisoners in a “golden cage” with enough to eat and bed to sleep in. If they sabotaged the operation, a sure death awaited them.
*********************************************
NIM’S ISLAND with twelve year old Abigal Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine) and Jody Foster will appeal to the entire family...both adults and children... and concerns a girl stranded on a tropical island with her father and some pelicans and sea lions. It’s a fun and exhilarating
*********************************************
Next time you’re on West Portal, visit ROTI Indian Bistro for the best Indian food you’ve ever tasted. Open for both lunch and dinner with very reasonable prices, you’ll find delicious mouth-watering Indian delicacies. Interesting Naan, Kulcha, and rice dishes plus a lot more...all worth savoring.
On my last visit to Roti, i enjoyed a savory chicken dish in a delicate cream sauce (Tikka Masalla) and a tasty yogurt drink, Mango Lassi.
My vegan companion loved the Aloo Gobi dish...spicy and satisfying. Try their wonderful curries.
May 2008
APRIL 2008
Considering all the hoopla about the Presidential candidates ... I thought you might be interested in some information about some of our past presidents:
Ronald Reagan, 40th U.S. President saved 77 people from drowning as a lifeguard in his youth at a riverside beach near Illinois.
20th President, John Garfield could write Greek with one hand while writing Latin with the other.
Abraham Lincoln, our 16th President, carried letters, bills, and notes in his notorious black top hat.
First President George Washington rejected a movement among army officers to make him a King of the United States.
William Taft, our 27th President, weighted more than 300 lbs. and had a special oversized bathtub installed in the White House.
Gerald Ford, our 38th President turned down an offer to play professional football with the Green Bay Packers and the Detroit Lions.
.............................................
Here are some opinions about the candidates from a local blog:
“I prefer Clinton because she has become the candidate of both women and working people (now that Edwards is out.)
Obama represents a coalition of subversive liberals and black people...white women and beer vs. red wine and malt liquor. But looking forward to the general election, it is urgent that a Democratic candidate be someone who can mop the floor with McCain. McCain’s liabilities:
a) He’s no debater. He could barely out-debate a Mitt like Mitt Romney.
b) He has or is being forced into indefinable positions.
c) He’s unlikeable.
Clinton’s liabilities:
a) She’s not as good a speaker as Obama.
b) She has a longer record and more to defend than Obama.
c) She’s less likable than Obama.
It would be frustrating beyond bearing if the Democrats, facing an unpopular President, an unpopular war, a failing economy and weak Republican candidate, should still manage to lose the election.
Mario Como has suggested that the two Democrats should join forces...continue the debating and the winner becomes the President and the loser agrees to become Vice President. I feel it’s probably too much to ask, with the egotistical mindset of both candidates, but it’s an idea that merits consideration for those who want to guarantee a McCain loss.
...........................................
ENTERTAINMENT: A.C.T.’s latest...Nikolai Gogol’s GOVERNMENT INSPECTOR plays out in a tiny Russian town, where the local government cronies are falling all over themselves to bribe the visiting official with money, women, and whatever else he wants. One part political parody, one part “Waiting for Guttman,” The Government Inspector is packed with sizzling scandal, local favor, and politicians behaving very, very badly. The play was first produced in Russia in 1836, and was thought to be a realistic satire on governmental corruption, but the satire bit too deeply and, despite the czar’s endorsement, the play was viciously attacked by the reactionary press and officialdom. Gogol, already broken in health, left Russia again, complaining that his work was universally misunderstood.
Beautifully directed by Carey Perloff, translated and adapted by Alistair Beaton, with a stellar cast that includes my four favorites, Geoff Hoyle, Sharon Lockwood, Joan Mankin and Graham Beckel...this is one you’ll enjoy. It didn’t hurt that Opening Nighters were each served some Russian Vodka at intermission!
...........................................
Over at the BERKELEY REP, for another few weeks, at their Roda Theater, you can still catch the indomitable Carey Fisher in her hilarious “Wishful Drinking.” A hilarious one-woman show which I wrote about last month is certainly worth seeing if you get there in time.
At the Main Stage, Will Eno’s TRAGEDY, directed by Les Waters is playing until April 13th.The cast of five is competent, and the TRAGEDY is called a “comedy” but it reminded me a bit of an existential Becket...with no intermission.
.............................................
The 51st SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL will feature a broad mix of local, domestic and international films, with a particularly strong slate of documentaries and a few big name honorees --including director Mike Leigh, screenwriter Robert Towne, Actress Maria Bello and documentarian Errol Morris. The festival begins April 24 with a screening of Catherine Breillat’s “The Last Mistress.”
At a press conference last Tuesday, organizers also announced a partnership with the Sundance Kabuki Cinemas, which will allow the San Francisco Film Society to program one of the renovated San Francisco art house’s theaters year-round. And the magazine Vanity Fair is a new sponsor of the festival and will host this year’s closing-night screening of “Gonzo: The Life and Work of Hunter S. Thompson,” a documentary about the onetime Bay Area journalist.
With 105 films or programs, the dates are April 24 to May 8 and showings will be at the Castro Theater, Sundance Kabuki Cinemas, Landmark’s Clay Theater and other venues. For tickets, call (925) 866- 9559. For the full schedule and show times, go to sffs.org.
.............................................
A brief note...if you’re looking for some good films to see BEFORE the film festival, check out STOP-LOSS (about the Iraq war), THE BAND’S VISIT, THERE WILL BE BLOOD, UNDER THE SAME MOON. All worthwhile viewing.
.............................................
A woman goes to the fortune teller and has her palm read, “your husband will die a violent death.” She says, “will I be acquitted?”
April 2008
MARCH 2008
In 1957 actress Joan Crawford said “I think the most important thing a woman can have - next to talent, of course—is her hairdresser.” She was right...even over fifty years later. I found this out a few weeks ago when I decided what I needed was some highlights in my hair. I decided to visit DePietro Todd’s School of Hairdressing on Post Street...highly recommended by a friend. Oy vay! There was a bevy of patrons, students, and supervisors. I was sent to a young man who said he’d been there for 8 months...but he seemed confident and I was confident (why, I don’t know) that he knew what he was doing. He said at the moment they were doing cuts..”. is that okay?” I figured a trim would be fine as my hair was a bit longish at the moment...assuming that it would be followed by a beautiful frosting. He began cutting around and about and above the forehead and in back of the ears and below the nape while I watched in trepidation...what was he doing? It took an hour and a half of what seemed like “cut and paste” to make me look like a chrysanthemum. A mohel could not have done a worse job. A supervisor came over and only commented that he had forgotten to cut a loose strand. My tresses were no more. He followed the horror with some blown heat from a dryer and was finished. I should have punched him then and there. But I didn’t. I was sufficiently distraught to go through a red light on the way home which is another story entirely for another time.
Fortunately, I have an assortment of caps, berets, scarfs to hide the hideous result. It’s now a month later and Michael, at Alexander Collections on West Portal, who sells vintage clothing decided to dress me up in some of his wigs and hats....you can see the results. Menander, a Greek playwright in 291 B.C. remarked “a chaste woman ought not to die her hair yellow.”
***************************
I was invited to tour the construction of Laguna Honda Hospital and Rehabilitation Center recently and was reasonably impressed with all that’s going on there. After donning heavy boots, a hard hat, an orange vest and sloshing through the mud I observed scores of busy hard hatted workers installing lots of windows. The installation of the interior wall framing continues in the Link and South Residence Buildings and the mechanical, electric and plumbing installation is also under way. It’s beginning to look like a hospital despite the various delays. Furniture, fixtures and equipment consultants’ contract has been approved and together with the replacement team, they will purchase the new equipment necessary. They are hoping to open the doors to the new building in late 2009. If you wish to learn more about the Hospital and Replacement Program, there will be COMMUNITY MEETINGS at the 
Laguna Honda Hospital Main Library on Wednesday, May 14, 7:00 p.m.(Construction tour starts at 5:45 p.m.) Again on Wednesday Sept. 24, 7:00 p.m. (Construction tour starts at 5:45 p.m.) and then on Wednesday, November 12 at 7:00 p.m. To schedule a construction site tour, call Arla Escontrias, Director of Community Affairs (415) 759-4597.
***************************
One of the most amusing shows you’ll see for a while is the hilarious WISHFUL DRINKING with the sparkling, solo performance of Carrie Fisher(who was assisted by director Tony Taccone in reworking the premiere version of the show done in LA 2 years ago). Carrie is the..daughter of Debbie Reynolds and Eddie Fisher and both parents were at the opening night performance...along with George Lucas(Star Wars) who came with his daughter. Carrie has had small roles in some good films(e.g. Hannah and Her Sisters) but we don’t hear much about her. Her writing is very funny. She’s nimble with language and has a vivid imagination and also totally delivers on the juicy details of what rich and famous people are really like. Her first novel was POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE, which won her a L.A. Pen Award for Best Novel in 1987. (The film version starred Meryl Streep) She tells you about her bipolar disorder, what it’s like to have Elizabeth Taylor briefly as a step-mother, how after her Dad’s 4th marriage to an Asian lady he continued his series of face-lifts til he finally looked Asian himself. You’ll hear about Mike and Liza Todd, Karl Marx, Richard Burton, Richard Wilding and an assortment of other overdosed celebrities involved in Carrie’s life. I saw Eddie Fisher after the show in a wheelchair. He seems quite frail but quite affable and talkative. He said he was 79, had 4 marriages, and I asked if he wanted to make it five. He smiled and said he lives in Nob Hill. (Was that a hint to contact him?)
There are some terrific films out there at the moment. THERE WILL BE BLOOD and NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN, as well as JUNO are all worth seeing...as is THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY. My most recent viewing was THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL which was surprisingly enjoyable. It tells the salacious story of two hot blue bloods who ran amok and partly unclothed in the court of Henry VIII. Best known for losing her head to the king, first metaphorically, then literally, Anne Boleyn (Natalie Portman, saucy), along with her sister, Mary (Scarlett Johansson, sedate) entered the court of the king (Eric Bana, brooding and glowering) when he was still wed to Catherine of Aragon (Ana Torrent- a talented Spanish actress).) A man of considerable and changeable appetites, the king yearned for a male heir and anything in a frock who wasn’t the queen. His sexual wish was their command. Bodice-ripping entertainment ensues...also galloping horses, rolling heads, bustling gowns and rampaging royals. There’s lots of frenetic action, wordless gestures and poses, but ultimately, it’s a fun ride!
Antol Fugard’s BLOOD KNOT is currently showing at ACT...where the two man show is performing to standing ovations. Directed by Charles Randolph-Wright with original music composed and recorded by Tracy Chapman, you can catch it before March 9th. Call 749-2ACT.
Over at Theater 39, at Pier 39, is INSIGNIFICANT OTHERS...an “Only in San Francisco Musical” that is playing with an extended Open Run. It concerns a group of young people who move to San Francisco and the fun and foibles that ensue.Read more about it in Annette Lust’s theater column.
For tickets call 415-433-3939....an ideal show for you and your out-of-town visitors. Ken Valencia, manager of the FOG HARBOR FISH HOUSE at Pier 39 hosted a delectable outstanding buffet for the opening night visitors.
***************************
A few months ago, SF Chronicle’s Michael Bauer reviewed a restaurant at 1708 Church St...PESCHERIA...The owners subsequently had it reprinted in the Chronicle’s magazine section. Sounded great so we decide to try it. The bread served at the start came with a dish of olive oil that tasted exceptionally strange.
Different restaurants add various spices but this was like nothing I’d ever tried before. We returned it and asked for butter. The subsequent entrees of fish were OK, but they were the size of a deck of cards with no accompaniments....and were $25 and $27 each...somewhat excessive we thought for such skimpy seafood. Michael Bauer called it possibly the best casual seafood haunt in the Bay Area. Maybe they knew he was coming!
Thinking about the election? I don’t think I’ve missed any of the debates and while I’d probably be happy with either of the Democratic nominees, I’m leaning towards Obama. He’s bright, articulate, knowledgeable, charismatic and hopefully the primary winner should be determined in a week or so. If not, there’s trouble in River City! I anticipate John Edwards will endorse him sooner or later, as it is said he hopes to become Attorney General (or so the scuttlebut goes). The big problem will be defeating McCain. I thought it would be easy, finally eliminating the Republican party in power, but apparently there are more headaches than meets the eye.
McCain is a war hero and the macho Republicans are overlooking his nasty temper and the fact that he punches people when he doesn’t like them. I think his age is also against him. It will be interesting to see what happens in the months to come.
READERS...a short suggestion: Very soon you’ll be getting “free” money from the government. They’re hoping you’ll spend it like crazy to help avert further recession, problems..fool them....pay down your credit card debt and save the rest. Good advice from Susie Orman.
March 2008
February 2008
While I sympathize with the striking writers who are attempting to deal with the penurious higher-ups who don’t want to give them a living wage—looks like the strike will finally be over shortly, I can’t say that I missed their work on the usual sitcoms. Many of the sitcoms are amusing but if you don’t watch them (with or without their writers) you haven’t missed much. SEINFELD and EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND were the exceptions. The few programs I watch lately are Bill Maher on HBO, Jay Leno on Channels 3 or 11, occasionally The View and/or the Ellen DeGeneres show. I’m tuned mostly to CNN during the debate season and was enthralled with the goings-on of the Clintons and Obama recently. I was all in favor of a woman President until I read Obama’s book and heard him speak. I hear he has a brilliant 28 year old speech writer (obviously not on strike!) I haven’t sent in an absentee ballot but right now I’m leaning toward him. As of this writing, John Edwards has dropped out and chances are it will shortly be announced that he’ll give his votes to Obama—they’re good friends. And, in an Obama presidency, he’s vying for a position as Attorney General. What everyone is waiting for is who is Al Gore going to back? Al Gore once said he wouldn’t mind running again if he was SURE he’d win. It’s one horrendous job and while McCain has a lot going for him, I think his age and his “Republicanism” will doom him.
I heard from one of the CNN announcers that before the President’s State of the Union address, George Bush whispered to Nancy Pelosi, “Sorry, I tried with the Immigration stuff.” She responded, “Poor Baby.”
Just read that Madeline Albright who’s an avid supporter of Hillary said “There’s must be a special place in hell for women who won’t vote for another woman!” A few of the blurbs on the internet are referring to Bill’s wife with a first name of “Bruno.” I hear that the campaign workers for Guiliani and the other nominees who quit, are going home depressed and disheartened. That’s why I’ve decided not to run for anything. I hate sad endings.
•••••••••••••••
Some weeks ago the press was invited to visit the CALIFORNIA ACADEMY OF SCIENCE on Howard Street before the GREAT MIGRATION. They’ve been constructing a dynamic new facility in Golden Gate Park. The new Academy will combine innovative green architecture with inventive exhibitions to inspire its visitors to explore and protect the natural world. The new Academy will house Steinhart Aquarium, Morrison Planetarium, and the Kimball Natural History Museum. On January 7 the massive move began transporting millions of priceless treasures across the city into their new home in Golden Gate Park. The monumental move includes penguins, parrots, pythons, 
piranhas and thousands of other live aquarium animals. The move will take approximately eight months. Participants will range from two million fish specimens stored in jars of alcohol (including some species that are now extinct) to Methuselah, the Australian lungfish — the oldest living fish in captivity. There are 14.5 million insects and arachnids, including more than 874,789 flies, bugs, beetles, butterflies, and moths. You’ll find precious gems, meteorites that are billions of years old, 12th Century Persian ceramics, Native Alaskan kayaks,500 Japanese folk toys. Didn’t you always want to see hoppers, slitherers and crawlers? There are more than a quarter of a million reptiles from 166 countries including the largest collection from the Galapagos.
There will be a new Auditorium, an expanded early childhood education center and a new hands-on Naturalist Center staffed by education specialists with labs and classrooms.
Unfortunately, you’ll have to wait until September to enjoy your visit — but it will be worth it. 100,000 square feet to explore — at a cost of approximately $484 million. WOW! There will probably be a Grand Opening that will be announced in the newspapers.
•••••••••••••••
ALICE’S HOUSE is just what a director’s first film should be – full of both flaws and promise. Several things are wonderful about the movie, foremost among them the luminous lead, Carla Ribas. She gives us a Brazilian reprise of Ann Bancroft’s Mrs. Robinson, a compellingly sexually attractive woman of 40-something. The other actors are equally well-cast, well-directed, and persuasive. The writing and filming give us what seems an authentic feel of the daily life of ordinary people in Brazil.
Sadly the editing, and filming are not of the same quality as the casting and acting. The story, a tale of the decay and collapse of a dysfunctional family, may also be a metaphor of Brazilian society. But it is presented as one damned thing after another, with no development of any of the themes or issues raised, like a soap opera, which it eventually comes to resemble. The filming starts with closeup face shots, stays with closeup face shots, and ends with them. When they are shots of Carla Ribas it is hard to object but one soon says, “Enough already!”
Another difficulty is that most of the men are seen as mindless S.O.Bs while most of the women are seen sympathetically though all are equally adulterous and self-seeking. Another reviewer said that if the movie had been made by a woman it would have been dismissed as “shrill”. But political correctness is tedious no matter who the perpetrator is.
Alice’s House shows the downside of making movies with a miniscule budget – the second tier semi-technical people like editors, cinematographers, lighting people, were just not up to the level of the actors and director. For Chico Texeira to have done this good a film with so little support makes me look forward to his next film, which presumably will have more. And if Carla Ribas is reading this, please call me.
The David Mamet play, SPEED-THE-PLOW with a cast of three, Matthew Del Negro, Andrew Polk and Jessi Campbell was terrific Hollywood satire at ACT. If you missed it and you’re a Mamet fan, you can go to New York and see Mamet’s latest hit, NOVEMBER with Nathan Lane, directed by Joe Mantello at the Barrymore Theater. Purported to be “A Laugh Machine.” Through February 16, at ACT you can enjoy the world-premiere of BRAINPEOPLE directed by Jose Rivera at the Zeum Theater and on Wednesday, February 13, ACT will have BLOOD KNOT as their latest offering on Geary St. CURVY WIDOW also sounds like a must-see comedy about a middle-age widow’s misadventures in online dating. Starring Cybill Shepherd, the show is playing through March 9th at the POST STREET THEATER.
Also recommended highly is THE SCENE at the San Francisco Playhouse on Sutter Street. Theresa Rebeck’s The Scene, a thoroughly modern, sharply-written black comedy, was the scene-stealer at the 2006 Humana Theater Festival in Louisville. It is full of people in “the scene,” on “the scene,” and desperate for “the scene.” If you have ever done something despite your better judgment, maybe chose to follow the crowd instead of following your gut, then you will understand Charlie, the provocative and complex protagonist in this fierce, edgy, raw, and scathing new comedy. West Coast Premiere! Bill English and his highly creative crew can do no wrong.
February 2008
December 2007 -January 2008
Lots of bits and pieces to report ... Craigslist is one of the best things that ever happened in the Bay Area. (And the rest of the world.) I recently got a brochure from the Diamond Certified Directory ... actually they sent me three for April! In it they list everyone from Auto Body people to Window Contractors. I don’t know what the advertisers in there pay for the listings, but it must be pretty hefty because when I called one of the plumbers in there he also quoted a very high rate to do the work. When you need a handyman or any other service person, check out craigslist.org and you’ll have a great variety of options.
It’s also useful and lots of fun if you’re single and looking for a date or a companion or a lover or whatever or whomever. Reading the guys and gals available is fascinating. I thought that seeking a mate this way was a comparatively new phenomena. However, I recently read that in 1727, Helen Morrison, a lonely spinster, became the first spinster to place a lonely hearts ad. It appeared in the Manchester Weekly Journal. The mayor promptly committed her to a lunatic asylum for nine weeks. We’ve sure come a long way.
******************************************************************
Elderhostel is a travel organization for the “over 55 crowd.” We recently joined a group of 30 who registered for a 5 day Napa Valley excursion. Elderhostel features trips worldwide and you can join train trips, boat trips, bus trips everywhere. A year ago I joined a group in Palm Springs for a film festival. There were a few canceled films and some disappointed movie buffs but generally it was considered a success. ( I especially enjoyed THE FOLLIES where lithe and nubile Seniors danced, cavorted, and otherwise entertained the crowds.) The Follies were NOT part of the Elderhostel experience! Not to digress ... for just under $900 we spent 5 days in the luxurious Embassy Suites Hotel (including 15 meals!) and listened to lectures on Art in Tuscany and the Music of George Gershwin. The art lecture was delivered by a very knowledgeable University Professor but after 2 1/2 hours of learning everything you ever wanted to know about Italian frescoes, we skipped the next day’s lecture on Italian art and took off and drove to Calistoga which is a charming town (although we never partook of any mud baths.) Another day we drove to Sonoma which is lovely with chic shops to peruse ... and spent time at COPIA in the Napa Valley. Copia is a museum that offers speakers on wine, exhibitions of old kitchen utensils, videos of the Napa Valley and a delightful gift shop where you can buy anything you ever (or never) needed related to wine. Downtown Napa has some great outlet shops for the diehard shoppers. Actually, you can take a few delightful days in Napa without an organized tour...only about an hour North. Get with it!
******************************************************************
ROMANCE & CIGARETTES (My movie pick) is a down-and-dirty musical love story. Nick (James Gandolfini) Is a New York Ironworker married to Kitty (Susan Sarandon), a strong but gentle woman who has three grown daughters. He is secretly carrying on a torrid affair with flame-haired Tula (Kate Winslet.) When his wife catches him and Tula wants a commitment, Nick finds himself a prisoner of his primal urges. A good man at heart, he must find his way back to his family before he runs out of chances. The film was a big hit at the Venice Film Festival. If you want to see a trailer, Google Romance & Cigarettes. Written and directed by John Turturro, this is one you won’t want to miss. Landmark Theater.
Mrs. Bob Cratchit’s Wild Christmas Binge If you really want to see a fun play during this usual chaotic holiday season...you won’t do any better than viewing this wild, hilarious performance at the San Francisco Playhouse. This zany play turns Charles Dickens’ Christmas Carol on its ear, systematically and hilariously deconstructing the turgid holiday rituals that stand in the way of true connections. Director, Joy Carlin, a veteran of Christmas Carols at ACT, brings her vast experience to this affectionate send-up of the Dickens masterpiece .Joan Mankin stars as Mrs. Bob Cratchit and VIctor Talmadge as Scrooge and they join an extensive, accomplished cast in this playful, cracked look at the perennial DIckens Christmas classes about mean Ebenezer Scrooge and his discovering the true meaning of Christmas through the visitation of Three Ghosts.There are also parodies of Oliver Twist, “The Gift of the Magi” and It’s a Wonderful Life. Artistic Director, Bill English and Producing Director Susi Damilano have done it again. The cast is obviously having a great time and so will you. It’s playing through January 12 at 588 Sutter St. 677-9596.
December 2007
NOVEMBER 2007
For the smug, comfortable, well-off Americans, it doesn’t seem to matter how long the war in Iraq goes on—as long as others endure the agony. If the network coverage gets too grim, viewers can always switch to another channel and follow the hilarious antics of Paris, Britney, et al. The war is depressing and denial is the antidote. Why should ordinary citizens consider their role in and responsibility for the thunderous unending carnage? Enough with this introspection. Let’s go to the ballpark, get drunk and boo the Red Sox.
The nation is in deep denial about Iraq. For years the president and his supporting cast of arrogant, bullying characters have tried to put the best face on this war. They had no idea what they were doing when they ordered the invasion of Iraq, and they still don’t. Many of the troops who were assured that the Iraqis would welcome them with open arms are now dead. And there’s still no plan. We were originally told that Iraqi oil revenues would cover the cost of reconstruction. That’s not happening. It was as big a mistake as President Bush’s assertion that there were weapons of mass destruction. Dick Cheney stated over a year ago that the insurgency was in its last throes. The war so recklessly launched by the amateurs in the Bush White house has already taken scores or thousands of lives and will ultimately cost the U.S. trillions of dollars. Most people agree, as was the case with Vietnam, the war in Iraq is a fool’s errand. There is no clear, discernible mission for American troops in Iraq. No one can really say what the dead have died for. And yet the dying continues. What in the world is the Bush White House thinking?
Afghanistan remains in a quagmire...other countries are withdrawing their troops ... and now it looks like we’re going to have some new fun in Iran. Good luck boys.
Some movies that are worth your time include:
DEATH AT A FUNERAL.
When friends and family gather at a stately home in the English countryside, all hell breaks loose. Director Frank Oz does a terrific job with this extremely funny satire. The mourners try to behave with propriety and dignity and then circumstances change and make that impossible. A superb ensemble British eccentrics will keep you enthralled in the hilarious situations. Don’t miss this if you have penchant for comedy.
THE JANE AUSTEN BOOK CLUB
is a “nice” movie. Six friends agree to meet to discuss Austen’s complete works and how the various stories relate to them.The director (Robin Swicord) tries hard to make the references about the classics understandable to those who haven’t read the books, but I found many of the scenes draggy and not especially compelling.If you’ve read Austen, you may love it.
LUST, CAUTION
left me cold. It’s the story of China during the Japanese occupation during World War 11 and if you’re able to follow it, it tells of a young woman who falls in with a band of Resistance fighters and is recruited to seduce and set up for assassination a traitorous Chinese official. It was quite long and received an NC-17 rating because of some intense sex scenes which I didn’t hang around for. It did win several awards, however...so go find out for yourself.
MICHAEL CLAYTON
was very well received by all the critics and George Clooney does a yeoman job as a fixer for a high powered legal firm, who find himself in the middle of several difficulties. He owes money to the mob and an important case of the firm’s is about to collapse because a senior partner is working for the other side. Sometimes, a bit confusing, but ultimately worth your viewing . A real suspenseful drama.
INTO THE WILD
I loved this one that Sean Penn wrote and directed. It’s an adaption of Jon Crakauer’s 1996 book about Christoper Johnson McCandless, an Emory University graduate, who, at the age of twenty-two, cut all ties with his family and friends, tramped around the country and then headed north into the wilds of Alaska, where he died alone, in August, 1992. Emile Hirsch plays the young man who travels about and attracts the interest of a variety of people enroute. They’re all interesting folks and want him to put down his backpack and stay. He never does and continues in his ultimately self-destructive behavior.
RENDITION. An extremely interesting drama centered on Douglas Freeman (Jake Gyllenhaal), a C.I.A. agent stationed in North Africa who becomes a reluctant overseer of a clandestine interrogation. When an Egyptian-American chemical engineer doesn’t return home from South Africa, his pregnant wife, Isabella, (Reese Witherspoon) sets out to find him, with the help of a senator’s aide and no help at all from Corrine Whitman (Meryl Streep), the C.I.A.’s head of anti-terrorism. Some hard to watch torture scenes but ultimately the performances are strong.
November 2007
